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  • 0
    Zippertrain85

    Hi, so even though I've left this Wiki, I still decided to give you guys some blogs from time to time, since I'm just nice that way, and think this Wiki deserves some quality blogs! So without further adieau, let it begin. So, the Elder Scrolls Online has recently come out, some people like it some people not so much. But that's the not the point I'm trying to make here, I have recently come to the conclusion that maybe Online doesn't really need it's Online feature at all. That the game could've simply made it without anything Online, or even done better. 


    Okay, so let's consider what the game has outside of the Online capabilities. It's basically an Oblivion or Skyrim styled game that takes place all over Tamriel. I'm serious. That could'…


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  • 0
    Hogansalejy

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  • 0
    Hogansalejy

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  • 1
    ゆ

    Oh, hello, I didn't see you come in, welcome to my upperclass blog on the creation of Nirn. Now you may want to sit down, have a cup of tea, and relax as we go on a fantastical adventure filled with epic battles and romantic stories.

    It all started in the First Era, when Lorkhan and Mehrunes Dagon were all that existed in the Void, Lorkhan approached Mehrunes and said, "Why is it just us in this world? For aren't we deserving of more?" Mehrunes replied "Perhaps, but in the wake of creation, becomes destruction, and for it all to begin, you need ambition." Lorkhan thought for a moment, "SWIGGITY SWAG WHAT'S IN THE BAG?" Mehrunes could tell what Lorkhan was thinking, for he just stated it out loud. Mehrunes said, "Why, it's ambition, of cours…

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  • 0
    Alcliff

    oiii baaaaaar

    April 20, 2014 by Alcliff
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  • 1
    Ralok

    Akavir - Tang Mo & Kamal

    April 19, 2014 by Ralok

    please do not mistake the following information for canon, or an insult to the canon...

    Okay guys, me and my buddy ScottaHemi (the artist of the webcomic Dan's Voyage) got into a discussion recently about the continent of Akavir, he doesn't know jack about the Elder Scrolls universe but the vague nature of the races of Akavir intrigued him somewhat.

    See part 1 for the first two races!


    The third race we did for this project was the Kamal, this one we had a really hard time with and neither of us is entirely satisfied with the results (for different reasons).

    There is virtually no information about the Kamal so we had to use our imaginations a lot, we imagined them as related to both trolls and frost giants, and possibly that these species origi…


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  • 0
    Hogansalejy

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  • 0
    Hogansalejy

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  • 0
    Hogansalejy

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  • 0
    Slade-Wilson

    I dont have a clue

    April 16, 2014 by Slade-Wilson

    I honestly don't have a clue what you mean by A sock puppet ban, when this is the exactly the same account I've used since I started wikia, not even a month ago, Thanks for your time reading this

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  • 0
    FishySalesman

    Now, you're probably wondering why there's barely anything here. For the short story, technical shizzle-wizzle, and I'm lazy.

    Long story, it's so flippin' long that I had to write it in an entirely different file format that the wiki doesn't support and a whole bunch of other garbage. So, I've got a golden link here for the story. Voila!... Just kidding, here .

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  • 1
    Raldeus-Ironmane

    i married Ysolda before letting her own the bannered mare. does anyone know if she will still own it even if im already married to her? thanks 

    Read more >
  • 12
    4. 1. 22. 5. M97

    I have seen the blog section and it has looked a little dry for good enjoyable blogs. Unfortunately, it is my job to review dry blogs. It's kind of a terrible existence. But you people have to suffer through them to so I guess we're all on the same boat. This is the last review for Man of Steak, and can I say, it's been one crazy ride through the last circle of hell. His blogs just bugged me nonstop and should never be read unless it's for entertainment purposes. FishySalesman should give them a look, I feel like he would get a kick out of making funny caricatures from these. But yeah, here for the last review of Man of Steak is his archnemesis, Madman97, taking a break rom his temporary retirement from wiritng blogs. 

    (Imagine clean shaven…

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  • 0
    Ravyn Uvenim13

    Hello everyone, and welcome to a redesign of my Skyrim Character Creation sheet that I posted as my first blog. I am going to try and write somewhat in the style of the Daggerfall character creator. So, anyways, here we go. As always, if you have any ideas, suggestions, and the like you wanna see added, I will be happy to discuss it and try to add it in if it is applicable.

    __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    (1) Who are you? (character's name, race, gender, date of birth, & place of birth on the line below).


    __________________________________

    (2) What do you look like? (Please keep this as lore-friendl…


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  • 13
    Timeoin

    50,000

    April 10, 2014 by Timeoin

    That's right folks - this edit marks the 50,000th edit I've made since starting my editing journey here.

    I know I usually do a massive long blog each 10,000 edits, but this time, I'll keep it nice and short. 

    I would like to say the following, however:

    One:

    To Keira - you and Ethan (and Lilah, too) make my life worth living, and I love you with all my heart. (Sadly, I am not a Time Lord, so I cannot say "hearts").

    Two:

    If you haven't already done so - go over to Online Tasklist and have a look at some of the stuff that needs doing with Elder Scrolls Online.

    Three:

    Once you've done that, if you're playing on PC (and to be fair, thats the only way you COULD be playing it if you are playing it - its not released elsewhere just yet), then come and joi…

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  • 1
    Legacyofhades

    badge

    April 10, 2014 by Legacyofhades

    im just doing this for a badge XD

    Read more >
  • 0
    Optimus 98

    video card

    April 10, 2014 by Optimus 98

    hello. im new to pc gaming and i downloaded morrowind for pc. i have a gateway ne56r41u. it came with a free upgrade for windows 8.1. now that i upgraded to 8.1, i can not play my morrowind now. it keeps saying a dll file is missing and also i get this Video Card Video CardMinimum: 32 MB Direct3D Compatible video card with 32-bit color support and DirectX 8.1You Have: Intel(R) HD GraphicsUpgrade Suggested Video Card Click here for the latest Video Card drivers.Features: Minimum attributes of your Video CardRequired You HaveIcon Dedicated Video RAM 32 MB 128 MB. i played this fine before the update. please help!!!

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  • 0
    Ned1230

    Dear forum moderators (since you're the only ones who see this), there is a new wiki: The Elder Scrolls Mods Wiki. It's where you put mods and stuff.

    Just wanted to let you guys know. We need more contributors.

    Thanks

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  • 0
    SLyfoX999

    Elder Scrolls 6 Idea

    April 7, 2014 by SLyfoX999

    So, recently I started playing Skyrim again during spring break and I finally got the balls to kill Parthurnaxx, so I thought that since the blades are so cool, that possibly we could go to Akaviri when the humans were alive or whatever. It wouldn't be set in Akaviri but have a "cameo" or something, kinda like Solstheim in Skyrim. Idk I think it would be cool

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  • 4
    Vivienne Von Vanity
    • ATTENTION*

    Hey there! (Directed to everybody currently present on this site,) I have a question, which you should feel free to answer. When attempting to join the college of Winterhold, I chose the illusion endeavor path, where she asked me to perform the "fury" spell. I know the spell, but when I cast it, she seems to not take notice. Should I hit her in the face with it? I tried doing that, but it didn't work, if I were to power it up though..

    Anyway, yes, is there any course of action alternative to hitting this poor Altmer in the face?

    If you have an answer, don't be a stranger!!

    Thanks, 

    Threevee

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  • 8
    Mhadick


    Hey everyone! Wikia visited the Bethesda offices and asked members of The Elder Scrolls Online team YOUR questions about the new MMO. Check out the videos below and be sure to visit the Wikia Instant Expert page for more on the Tamriel-spanning adventure. Huge thanks to the folks who contributed questions!




    How does The Elder Scrolls Online fit into Tamriels’ greater mythology? We sat down with Creative Director Paul Sage, who addressed a number of community questions surrounding the game’s story and lore.




    You’re going to have a slew of mechanics and systems to familiarize yourself with when you plunge into The Elder Scrolls Online. To help ease the learning process, Wikia sat down with Lead Gameplay Designer Nick Konkle, who addressed the El…








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  • 5
    Mhadick


    The Elder Scrolls Online, the franchise's massively multiplayer debut, is now open to brave adventurers the world over itching to tackle the sprawling world of Tamriel. If buzz on Wikia is any indication, Elder Scrolls fans are ready to team up and uncover the secrets of its rich overworld, loot its cavernous dungeons, and engage in intense PvP skirmishes. To get a gauge on The Elder Scrolls Online's early prospects, we asked some of Wikia's veteran Elder Scrolls admins for their thoughts on this new era of online adventure.


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  • 2
    Prince Thorne

    I was thinking about editing skyrim articles but I don't know If it needs anymore attention. Which one should I do oblivion, morrowind or the others?

    Read more >
  • 2
    Numidium-the-brass-god

    There are 2 of the same unknown weapons posibly falmer maces in the understone keep dwemer museum in markarth. This weapon sadly can not be picked up but it seems to be made of the hip bone of a small creature most likely a skeever and other details include small broken rib bones of a small creature but in the middle of the mace there seems to be chitin of a purple-ish color most likely a small piece of chaurus tail the handle to this weapon could be human or falmer bone straped together

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  • 69
    Jimeee

    To celebrate tomorrow’s worldwide launch of , Zenimax have released an infograph detailing some of the incredible stats and numbers that we can expect from the game. These include how many character variations you can make, the number of books you can read, and how many mudcrabs you’d need to kill to reach level 50!

    Some of the numbers revealed absolutely dwarf what was present in , such as the NPCs and weapons, so it's safe to say our editors will truly have their work cut out for them!

    Read more >
  • 1
    Timeoin

    The following is a list of the Bugs (Online) fixes that have been addressed during the downtime that finished early this morning. (April 2/3 depending on time zone).

    I am adding them here because the forums are going down shortly as well.

    In the meantime, please note that the Baelborne Rock quest was supposedly fixed during one of the previous Betas.

    OVERVIEW
    The Elder Scrolls Online v1.0.1 features a number of fixes to existing content. Here’s a brief overview of what awaits you in this patch:

    • Fixes to quests that were blocking progression.
    • New option to view the intro cinematic any time.


    FIXES & IMPROVEMENTS
    Alliance War General

    • Revised the quest to kill 20 players in Cyrodiil to make it a daily quest, rather than repeatable.


    Combat & Gameplay Gener…





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  • 39
    Zippertrain85

    Hello everyone, so last night in my sleep, I came to a sutnning conclusion. The Empire has been right the entire time. All of these pointless debates defending the Stormcloaks, saying how good they are, etc. All for nothing, because now I see, that the Empire is the better side for the following reasons: 

    "Ulfric and the Stormcloaks are racist

    Yes, they really are. Now before any of you Stormcloaks say something like "but the decree of monument says the Dunmer aren't citizens, and the Argonians were homeless inside the city" just stop! Because let's be realistic here, Bethesda is known for being lazy, why would they put this much effort to show Ulfric & the Stormcloaks are racists, just to have them not be? It makes no sense, really and it…

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  • 0
    Andrekish

    Skyrim Week 4:

    Been wandering around Skyrim for a nearly 4 weeks now.  Had to go back into Bleak Barrows Fall to get that golden claw thingy from the geyser what got munched by the spiders.  He was dead and hiding right in amongst the cobwebs in the same chamber where the spider copped it.   Bit puzzled how the spider got him ‘coz I dun in the spider before I cut the other bloke down from the cobweb.  Still, it’s only a game, eh?  And you don’t get many dragons around my neck of the woods, unless you include the miserable old gits next door.

    During me travels I’ve collected over two thousand baskets and they’re all in me cellar in Riften.  Trouble is, me poor old PS3 ain’t up to the job and everything gets juddery when I dives into the swimm…

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  • 4
    FishySalesman

    So, some guy without yoloswag named Nyanletgoniandash-FishSymbol decided to critique my Fishy On: series! I'll show this chav what for! Please keep in mind that this is entirely serious, and every bit of it should considered seriously.

    Idea by Sky Within,Voice Above. Please keep in mind this is entirely a joke and not a single bit of it should be taken seriously in any way, shape, or form.

    Ha! Unswaggy fagit can't even come up with his own ideas! Kill urself plz.

    Ok, so this wise guy called FishMerchant started making this blog series, and I was like "PARODY IS MINE ONLY I CAN DO IT PLS SATIRE IS COPYRIGHT ME". So I decided, what better way to get revenge than totally not copying the idea of critically reviewing blogs from another user? So ye…

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  • 9
    ゆ

    UAM on: Fishy on

    March 30, 2014 by

    Idea by Sky Within,Voice Above. Please keep in mind this is entirely a joke and not a single bit of it should be taken seriously in any way, shape, or form.

    Ok, so this wise guy called FishMerchant started making this blog series, and I was like "PARODY IS MINE ONLY I CAN DO IT PLS SATIRE IS COPYRIGHT ME". So I decided, what better way to get revenge than totally not copying the idea of critically reviewing blogs from another user? So yeah, in his latest addition about World War 2, he starts like this:

    There's a civil war going on in Skyrim right now, and stuffs going down. Here's a basic overview.

    Ha, what a joke! Skyrim's a video game for nerds! He must be a total nerd, amirite?

    Once upon a time, a bunch of high elves got really jelly of Tie-b…

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  • 8
    Ralok

    please do not mistake the following information for canon, or an insult to the canon...

    Okay guys, me and my buddy ScottaHemi (the artist of the webcomic Dan's Voyage) got into a discussion recently about the continent of Akavir, he doesn't know jack about the Elder Scrolls universe but the vague nature of the races of Akavir intrigued him somewhat.

    So we talked about the races and came up for ideas one how they would work if they were further elaborated upon! We intially planned to do 7 Akaviri races (human, Canine, Rodent, Monkey, and Kamal being the others), but we never got around too it and he got busy with Dan's Voyage.


    First up is the Tsaesci, this one has caused a lot of confusion amongst Elder Scrolls fans. Our idea for the species t…


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  • 4
    4. 1. 22. 5. M97

        A scholars insight? That's really the title? Bu-bu-BULLSH*T!!! Hey, Blog Critic here, and if you have read the last review of Man of Steak's blogs, (if you havn't, what the f*ck are you still doing here?), then you know what kind of sh*t we're about to get into. I apologize for the anger of my introduction, but after reading the last blog of MoS's, it will p*ss you off too! It was the first time I had to give a blog the worst rank of quality possible on my scale, and there were arguments abound in the comments section. They were quite warranted. I'm sorry, that's no way to start an introduction. If by some chance you have not read my last Blog Critic, I have started to review MoS's work on blogs and measure the sort of quality it has. …

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  • 0
    Ravyn Uvenim13

    Hey everyone, SaDiablo here. Now, I know what I'm about to post isn't exactly prevalent with what is usually posted on this site, but since a couple people liked the bio sheet that I posted as my first blog, I thought I'd post one that's a little more...general. This is the one I made & use when creating character for different "verses". If you'd like an example of how I fill this out so that you might do the same, I will post it in the comments below. Also, if this seems a little too detailed, I do apologize for that. You can edit the layout of the sheet to how you wish. Finally, the questionnaire that is included with this bio sheet was constructed based upon the one used in Daggerfall. I was trying to think of how to incorporate the one …

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  • 1
    Manic Monitor

    The Lands of Breakfastran consist of many different regions. This includes: Pancaketopia, Butternion, Baconsta, Eggsytan, Syrupia, Sausagetreta, and Milkgreo. At one point in time, there was a civil war between Butternion and Pancaketopia versus Syrupia. Syrupia had dealt much damage to both Pancaketopia and Butternion, but then they made a super weapon. This weapon was a gigantic pancake filled with butter. It blew up all over Syrupia, and they had to surrender. Syrupia agreed to continue trade with Butternion and Pancaketopia, and Butternion and Pancaketopia agreed to be more peaceful. Of course, the civilians of each nation didn't like each other much after that. In order to keep its people happy, Pancaketopia lowered its taxes. Pancake…

    Read more >
  • 1
    SleepingIII

    Zenimax Online has released the names of Cyrodiil Campaign on both North American and European megaservers when Early Access starts. They are:

    • Bloodthorn
    • Scourge
    • Chrysamere
    • Auriel's Bow
    • Wabbajack
    • Volendrung
    • Skull Crusher
    • Dawnbreaker
    • Goldbrand
    • Hopesfire

    Players will be able to start participating in the Alliance War and selecting home campaign at level 10.

    Read more >
  • 0
    Daedric Prince Of Potatoes

    There's been lots of things going around bout this and I want to get this straight, yeah ok, dragon looks cool, but the helmet put me off the whole set. Daedric looks like some demonic war lord things, and stands out to much, and ebony, honestly, looks perfect. The engravings look awesome and it looks so flawless.

    Read more >
  • 1
    KnightlyUmbreon

    Blog Post 1

    March 27, 2014 by KnightlyUmbreon

    So, I learned when fighting wolves, you can apparently get a disease from them. And yes, I did learn this the hard way. 

    As usual, I was exploring, looking for shipwrecks, bandit camps, caves, etc. It was just a normal day, and a pack of the not-so-dreaded Ice Wolf shows up to join the 'party'. I easily defeat them, untill there is only one wolf left.

    This is when I learned to carry Potions of Cure Disease with you on adventures.

    Long story short, wolves can give you Rockjoint. Carry Potions of Cure Disease on you.

    KnightlyUmbreon (AKA KU, William, amd sometimes Sir Knightly)

    Read more >
  • 0
    SleepingIII

    Attentions, players of ESO! As the early access and official launch date is coming, you surely want to prepare as well as you possibly can. Here are the officially published FAQs about the early access and official launch of ESO:


    • Server opening time for 5-day Early Access

    Both the North American and European megaservers will open at 7:00 AM EDT, Sunday March 30th.


    • Server opening time for 3-day Early Access

    Players will be able to log into the game starting at 7:00 AM EDT, Tuesday April 1st.


    • Server opening time for official launch.

    Both the North American and European megaservers are planned to open at 7:00 PM EDT, Thursday April 3rd, but may change.


    • Game clients

    Beta clients can be continued to use after patching. To patch your client please start…





    Read more >
  • 49
    M.Owen LFC!

    In a few mere days before the launch of the much anticipated Elder Scrolls Online, Zenimax Online studio's has once again released an aritcle of a FAQ. The article details questions answered about the launch times of the games and important information on how every character the player makes is bound to the server they've chosen.


    The following are the launch times for the 5 day Early Access scheduled to start March 30th*:

    • North America (East): 7:00 AM EDT
    • UK/IE:12:00 PM WEST
    • Central Europe:   1:00 PM CEST
    • Sydney, Australia: 10:00 PM AEDT
    • Singapore: 7:00 PM SGT

    Note: The 3 day early access follows the exact same schedule except it will start on April 1st.

    The following are the launch times for the April 4 launching:

    • North America (East): 7:00 PM E…

    Read more >
  • 0
    SleepingIII

    Recently Zenimax Online published an article on the official site of ESO, featuring what players can do when they reach the level cap of 50. Like many other MMO games, reaching the highest level doesn't mean the end of the journey because there are still a lot of contents waiting for players. As Creative Director Paul Sage explains, the philosophy behind the core systems of ESO - play the way you want to play - has extended to the Veteran Content, which will be experienced in:

    • Solo or duo PvP
    • Small group PvP
    • Large group PvP
    • Solo or duo PvP
    • Four person group PvE (Veteran Dungeons)
    • Craglorn (Adventure Zone)
    • Twelve person group PvE

    What's more, Zenimax Online also promised to introduce new systems which will add to both the pre- and post-level 50 gam…

    Read more >
  • 1
    CzechMate

    I'm a big fan of the opinion pieces in the community on the war, and other subjects, so I thought I'd make my own.

    Background info on my views -

    • My main Dragonborn is a Khajiit, level 73
    • He sided with the Imperials (doesn't mean he agrees with all the laws)
    • He doesn't mind the Thalmor
    • He is a Spellsword/Archer
    • And his name is Rocky the Blackmane

    Anyways, so I've come up with some views and ideas on the war. I'll give hopefully unbiased opinions for both sides, and who should be High King/Queen.


    I'm sure you all know how the rebellion started, so I will not go into the details, but for more info, see Stormcloaks.


    The Great War was tough for all sides of the Empire, mainly Cyrodiil, Hammerfell and Skyrim. The White-Gold Concordat ended the war, but a…



    Read more >
  • 0
    KnightlyUmbreon

    So, I just saw that I didn't have any blog posts, so I decided to make one! Now, I know what you're thinking: Whoopty-Freaking-Doo, another person with no life making a blog on a Elder Scrolls Wikia (NEEEERD!). Well, I have more than just a 'blog post'. I have cats.

    Cats in jeans.

    You're welcome,

    Wait, am I supposed to write something here? 00:12, March 27, 2014 (UTC)

    Read more >
  • 4
    Emperor Jarjarkine

    Tell us a bit 'bout ya !


    .







    1. 1. Read the Guideline
    1. Follow the Guidelines
    1. Help out, it's fun to. 4.
    1. Try all the Forum Boards, they're all interesting. .
    1. For the love of Vivec, no Flame Wars, please.

    Well, it is looking like the interview ends here ! It was a nice one ! :P See ya  and thx !

    Read more >
  • 0
    Nelthro

    The Nelthar Clan

    March 25, 2014 by Nelthro

    (Updated, reworked version of the old blog)

    The very first bearer of the name was a half-elf under the alias Ultima Nelthar, In life he worked in the shadows and destroyed many an empire in his time. The empires were quickly erased from history along with his true name. How he managed to do this is Unknown, but in death he is worshipped by the Nelthars as a god, if this is true then it may explain how he accomplished his deeds.

    Founder: Ultima (II) Nelthar(deceased)

    The Nelthar clan is a Powerful and Rich family, made up of almost every race in Nirn. The Nelthar clan is extremely mysterious, politics within the clan is obscure and how they govern themselves is quite unknown. But a comfirmed fact is that they have outpost in every province in …

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  • 0
    JAlbor

    Hey folks!

    With Elder Scrolls Online on the near horizon, Wikia is searching for some Elder Scrolls fans interested in Livestreaming! Do you already create Lets Play videos? Do you want to share your Tamriel explorations with the world? I'd love to promote your awesome streaming efforts across Wikia!

    If this sounds like you, send me an email to jorge@wikia-inc.com with your name, age, location, and any streaming content you do (beginners are fine too). I look forward to hearing from you!

    Jorge 21:34, March 24, 2014 (UTC)

    Read more >
  • 16
    4. 1. 22. 5. M97

         Back from vacation, here to review some mediocre at best blogs. And who better to bash than our very own Man of Steak. If you have been around here long enough, chances are you have ran into him a couple times. He is a very active user and gets around. He's been on my list of Blog Critic reviews I needed to do for quite some time. So begins the MoS chapters of Blog Critic. For those of you who don't know the guy, he's been around this wikia for quite some time, is a chat moderator, and even used to be buddies with Madman97 before it all went f*ckup over differeing opinions and views (Which was mostly Madman97's fault for his stubborn disregard for anything Kirkbride, which you can see in his Season 3 finale of Wabbajack Grinding. Be s…

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  • 12
    Dovahsebrom

    This question has been disputed quite often. Some theories say he's supposed to be the Dovahkiin, some say he is Vahlok the Jailor, others say he is Miraak, but none of these theories really have much evidence backing them.

    So who is Konahrik? Was he just some random Dragon Priest, or possibly no one at all?

    To make a long answer short, I've come up with a fun little theory that the Archmagus Shalidor was Konahrik.



    This blog will take into account the many deeds of Shalidor. Some are considered to be just legend or extended truths; but as I see it, legends are normally true in TES.


    • He lived during the early first era, most notably around 1E 400.
    • He built the Labyrinthian on the ruins of Bromjunaar.
    • Labyrinthian was used as a training ground
    • He wa…



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  • 2
    Deadric Slayer of Wisdom

    Can u guys help me get deadric armor please.

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  • 39
    Zippertrain85

    I've noticed there is a common misconception that has been going around for a while now, what I'm talking about is the claim that the Nords "distrust" magic and want nothing to do with it. Now, I believe this is false for a number of reasons, some are just small bits of dialogue, others are quite drastic. 

    My first piece of proof is the Guard Dialogue. Now, I know Guards do say some weird stuff sometimes, but somethings they say are legitimate to the player (For example, usually things that start quests), two things they say are "Destruction Magic's fine, just don't go burning down any buildings" and "I have a lot of respect for the Restoration School", Skyrim could use more healers. This could show that the Nords do actually have respect f…

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  • 0
    Andrekish

    Me mobile's buggered.  Went all the way up to High Hothgar but still couldn't get a signal.  You'd think in this day and age that Bethesda would've installed a couple of phone masts for us busy dragonborn professionals so we can keep up to date with our investment stocks and phone the missus in Riften occasionally, wouldn't ya?  She'll get worried and start fretting and I'll have to waste me money and buy her some more flowers 'coz I think she ate the last lot.

    The Jarl of Whiterun's right pissed off.  He got his new smartphone sent in from Amazon, 'coz they's cheap, and he couldn't get nuffink on it.  No signal, no internet, no nuffinck.  He wants me to go up some mountain to have a word with some bandits or other to see what their signal'…

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