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Civility and Etiquette Volume III: Wood Orcs, Part I
By Coristir, Sage Sojourner
It is said that the Orcs came to be when the Aldmeri god, Trinimac, was devoured by the Daedric Prince Boethiah. As the myth goes, Boethiah excreted Trinimac's remains, and those Aldmer who followed Trinimac rubbed that excrement on themselves to become Orcs. Perhaps it's just a myth, but the imagery is appropriate: repugnant, ridiculous, and a little comical, like the Orcs themselves. It's said that, after a time, a sect of these people traveled into Valenwood and developed a tangential culture: the Wood Orcs. (For dealings with Orsinium Orcs, see Volume II.)
The Orcs in general are difficult for Mer to interact with, but these Wood Orcs are similar in physicality to our Wood Elf cousins, the Bosmer. The Wood Orcs are blunter and more ill-tempered than the Bosmer, but should be handled in much the same way: with patience, guidance and a careful eye. Without a proper Altmeri hand to lead them, both races have the potential to devolve into self-destructive, orderless savages that are an inconvenience and danger to all civilized people around them.
So how should an Altmer deal with a Wood Orc?
First, earn her respect. Like her northern, Orsinium cousins (the more common Orc variety), a Wood Orc admires physical strength, but she also prizes agility, speed, and geographical knowledge (equating that with tactical knowledge). Display some semblance of competence in these areas and you will earn her begrudging appreciation.
Here are a few ways to begin a conversation (as a sign of respect, make sure to introduce yourself or at least establish eye contact first):
1. Offer to begin an unarmed altercation and force the Wood Orc to submit. They enjoy fisticuffs.
2. If you find yourself walking with a Wood Orc, gain the lead and maintain it. This may lead to a footrace. Win it, and win the Wood Orc's approval.
3. Find a large rock—equal to or greater than body size—and hurl it, within view. Use a strength spell if you must, but don't let the Wood Orc know.
If you think this sounds like impressing your way into a tribe of athletic children, you would not be far wrong. Use the above methods with caution—predictable as they may be, Wood Orcs are individuals, and require improvisation in dealing with them.
And here are a few things an Altmer should not do when interacting with Wood Orcs:
1. Flaunt magical abilities. Though the Altmer know that displaying advanced magic shows a lifetime of dedication and mastery of the highest craft, all Orcs bear a cultural distrust of magic. In their ignorance, they believe magic's primary function is oppression of their people, and often bridle at its use.
2. Unless you're intending to ignite a battle, never hide in the trees of Wood Orc territory. Walk in the open. As our Bosmer cousins have learned, the Wood Orcs do not take kindly to those who stalk their forests. They equate secret movement with malevolence and cowardice.