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- Main article: Books (Dark Brotherhood)
- Location: On a table near the entrance to governor's suite in Anvil Castle.
- Author: Anonymous
- Collection: Gold Coast Tomes
Many of you scallywags haven't had the pleasure of sailing alongside the glorious Captain Fortunata, so here's some facts to set you straight about her grand and glorious Provincial Governor!
When Captain Fortunata shouts, the wind listens.
Captain Fortunata has never had scurvy because scurvy doesn't want to make her mad.
Captain Fortunata once sank a boat when she loosed a powerful sneeze, but the sailors on board didn't drown because she ordered them to live.
Hurricanes happen when Captain Fortunata farts into the wind.
A stupid Dark Elf once told Captain Fortunata she couldn't sing. She punched him so hard he flew into the sky. We're still waiting for him to come down.
Captain Fortunata only used a sword because she's tired of killing people with her little finger.
Captain Fortunata doesn't fish. When she wants a fish, it flops up onto her deck and cooks itself.
Sharks don't bite Captain Fortunata because they don't want to break their teeth.
Daedric Princes beg to make deals with Captain Fortunata.
And that's just the beginning of our beloved Pirate Queen's glories!