The Weekly Updates are once-a-week public messages started to keep the community informed on wiki issues and events, such as important policy or staff changes, as well as overall The Elder Scrolls news. The first update was on February 22nd, 2015. For the first two years they were mostly written by Cheatcodechamp and Atvelonis, but are currently handled by any member of the staff who volunteers to write them.
A featured image and quote are also included in each update. Featured images have been recorded from August 8th, 2015 and onward; featured quotes have been recorded from September 5th, 2015 and onward. A featured quote is typically taken from a source text or a line of dialogue from in-game; a featured image is typically uploaded the week it is selected, and is always a screenshot of something from in-game.
The Weekly Updates are also reformatted slightly and posted on the Discussions forum on the TESWiki mobile app for more users to see. A list of these updates can be found here.
"Another mortal dares to summon me, and already I am bored. But enough about me. Let's talk about you. I could turn you into a goat. Or a puddle. Or a bad idea. I could make you eat your own fingers. Or fall in love with a cloud. Perhaps I could make you into something useful. Let's find out."
"Tree Elves and their trees, am I right? They never sing them into anything interesting. Houses, bridges, chairs .... When is someone going to sing a tree into something useful like a singing land-boat?"
"Just a guess, Hist, but I’m betting you don’t give a shit. Okay, then listen to me. You’re not the Dwemer. I can probably safely say no one knows what you are. But the fact that you sent a fucking tree to my bachelor party says you’re listening. I won’t forget that."
"You have 7 percent health left." "Oh shit! I drink a health potion." "You are out of health potions." "Oh, uh, uh uh uh, how many wheels of cheese do I have left?!" "473." "Okay. EAT ALL THE CHEESE. EAT ALL THE CHEESE."
"You soothe my rage. I do not seek to be placated; I seek vengeance upon he who slew me. If you would truly lay my spirit to rest, be the instrument of my vengeance against Lord Woodbourne of Wayrest."
"The Elden Grove is said to be the birthplace of the sacred First Tree, that which gave life to all the forests on the continent of Tamriel. Its location has been a closely guarded secret, so guarded in fact that many believe that even the Elves have forgotten its true location."
"Therefore let the Staff of Towers be prepared for the ritual that will cleanse the protean substrate of the Aldmeri Taint. All Selectives are to initiate chants of Proper-Life and maintain them until a state of monothought is achieved. Then each shall Dance, duration-forward then volteface, till the Roll of Time winds withershins."
"To sing a law, and then Speak into the heart of that law, convincing it of a subtle error and how it must change its own Self. That is how Nature's course - its own Sea - is shaped and reshaped over time. Such changes can affect the whole of Mundus."
"My father taught me an important lesson many years ago. He said, 'Gwinlin, you have the whole world before you. Go out and experience it... be whatever you want to be.' So I took his advice, and here I am. This life might not look like much to you, but I'm content, and isn't that all that matters?"
"They call me insane! That's because they're short-sighted and afraid to grasp true power when it is offered freely. In the depths of the earth, beneath the simple structures of our village, I discovered a place of power and knowledge. It's a place where spirits whisper, waiting for someone to hear them.
"I heard their call. I listened to their holy words over and over and over again. "You are what you eat," they whispered to me. "You are what you eat, you are what you eat, you are what you eat.""
"The laughing heart sprayed blood afar, A gout on Cyrod fell, And like a dart shot to its mark Down in an Ayleid Well. Magicka fused the Lorkhan blood To crystal red and strong Then Wild Elves cut and polished it down To Chim-el Adabal."
"Time. Time is an artificial construct. An arbitrary system based on the idea that events occur in a linear direction at all times. Always forward, never back. Is the concept of time correct? Is time relevant? It matters not. One way or another, I fear that our time has run out."
"According to the Codes of Mephala, there is no difference between the theorist and the terrorist. Even the most cherished desire disappears in their hands. This is why Mephala has black hands. Bring both of yours to every argument. The one-handed king finds no remedy. When you approach God, however, cut both of them off. God has no need of theory and he is armored head to toe in terror."
"Drip, drip, drip. Memory melts. I've futilely tried to freeze what I can, but what is Forgotten cannot be recalled. Only drips, glimpses of stories untold, remain. Memory melts into legend, but legend never dies."
"And in the child's forehead was the Chim-el Adabal, alive with the dragon-fires of yore and divine promise, and none dared obstruct Sed-Yenna when she climbed the steps of White-Gold Tower to place the babe Reman on his Throne, where he spoke as an adult, saying I AM CYRODIIL COME."
"Whaddaya think? Sheesh. I'm a mudcarb... crab. Shure. A mudcrab. Thas me. Pretty sure. I LOOK like a mudcrab, right? Mush be. Thish IS me talking, right? So? I mush be... A talking mudcrab. And I sells stuff, right? So? I mush be a talking mudcrab merchant. Stands to reason, don't it?"
"Well, if it isn't my old friend Hunts-For-Books! Now don't look so glum, or the skeevers'll notice. Then they hit you up for some spare gold, a few shin bones, your best pair of cheese-filled slippers. Insufferable beasts! They can't hold a conversation."
"And so we brought the body of the Snow Prince, wrapped in fine silks, to a freshly dug barrow. The gleaming armor and spear were presented on a pedestal of honor, and the tomb was arrayed with treasures worthy of royalty. All of the mighty chieftains agreed with this course, that the Elf should be so honored. His body would be preserved in the barrow for as long as the earth chose, but would not be offered the protection of our Stalhrim, which was reserved for Nord dead alone."
"If Almalexia tells you to jump, you jump. If Sotha Sil tells you to jump, you don't jump, because Sotha Sil never tells anyone to do anything. If Vivec tells you to jump, you take a moment to think, because he probably wants you to paint a three-legged horse or something."
"Only crowned heads will hold the Totem true. First is one who killed, but did not kill another. Second is one who is two devoured by its young. Third is one who made one slave and many free. Fourth and Fifth are two who compete for mud. Sixth is one who brings a home to the homeless. Seventh is one who lords all, but does not lord at all."
"You have suffered for me to win this throne, and I see how you hate jungle. Let me show you the power of Talos Stormcrown, born of the North, where my breath is long winter. I breathe now, in royalty, and reshape this land which is mine. I do this for you, Red Legions, for I love you."
"Children, listen as the shadows cross your sleeping hutch, And the village sleeps away, streets emptied of the crowds, And the moons do balefully glare through the nightly clouds, And the graveyard's people rest, we hope, in eternal sleep, Listen and you'll hear the whispered tap of the footsteps creep, Then pray you'll never feel the Worm King's awful touch."
"How to permanently exist beyond duplexity, antithesis, or trouble. This is not an easy concept, I know. Imagine being able to feel with all of your senses the relentless alien terror that is God and your place in it, which is everywhere and therefore nowhere, and realizing that it means the total dissolution of your individuality into boundless being. Imagine that and then still being able to say "I". The "I" is the Tower."
"Look at the majesty sideways and all you see is the Tower, which our ancestors made idols from. Look at its center and all you see is the begotten hole, second serpent, womb-ready for the Right Reaching, exact and without enchantment."
"Then will mighty Akatosh reply, wherein the petitioner must be demand full freedom! To speak in the fires of time is to render the speaker a subject of the matron Jills, those servants of the Dragon that mend minutes without volunteer. Only through freedom can true words remain untouched."
"It's all about speed. Two light weapons and quick feet. You need more than just fast attacks; you need to be able to predict your opponent's moves, show up where he least expects you, run circles around him, and call him names. If you can frustrate your challenger, you gain an even better advantage."
"Centuries ago, Tiber Septim ruled the land and forged an empire with great Numidium. The secret of Numidiums's power lies in its heart, carried within the Mantella. It is the heart of Tiber Septim's battlemage. It is my heart. It is my Mantella. It is my Totem. It belongs to me, and to none other. I have won and lost an empire."
"You understand now. Tamriel is just one more Daedric realm of Oblivion, long since lost to its Prince when he was betrayed by those that served him. Lord Dagon cannot invade Tamriel, his birthright! He comes to liberate the Occupied Lands!"
"The common or Kindlespit Dragon Frog is an engagingly preposterous little pal whose antics never fail to amuse. Hammerfell tales say the huge Dragons of legend were all transformed by an ancient curse into these tiny flame-puffing hoppers. True? Maybe not—but it's a great conversation-starter down at the tavern."
"Therefore let the tale be told—and it is fitting that this be done, for in our Lord and Master's upcoming Planemeld campaign, the Titans will be released for the first time upon the hated mortals of Tamriel. And fear and doom shall follow in their footsteps."
"What a fool you are. I'm a god, how can you kill a god? What a grand and intoxicating innocence. How could you be so naive? There is no escape. No recall or intervention can work in this place. Come, lay down your weapons, it is not too late for my mercy."
"Who decides who we honor or remember? The victors, of course, for they get to write history. But there are sides to of every story. No one remembers the losers. They fought for what they believed in and failed, and so they are forgotten."
"Do not mistake the night-shrouded thief's stealthily-taken spoils, stolen and unearned, for a warrior's plunder, won in honorable battle. Your doom already binds you to your dark mistress, but your errand I will not hinder, if my wrath you can withstand."
"When misrule takes its place at the eight corners of the world
When the Brass Tower walks and Time is reshaped When the thrice-blessed fail and the Red Tower trembles When the Dragonborn ruler loses his throne, and the White Tower falls When the Snow Tower lies sundered, kingless, bleeding The World-Eater wakes, and the Wheel turns upon the Last Dragonborn."
"I fight for the men I've held in my arms, dying on foreign soil! I fight for their wives and children, whose names I heard whispered in their last breath. I fight for we few who did come home, only to find our country full of strangers wearing familiar faces. I fight for my people impoverished to pay the debts of an Empire too weak to rule them, yet brands them criminals for wanting to rule themselves! I fight so that all the fighting I've already done hasn't been for nothing! I fight... because I must."