- Can be found in book stores
Librarian Comment: A popular joke about a shipwreck survivor.
As uncovered and translated by Anido Jhone, Royal Archaeologist, from an ancient tome:
This tale comes from sometime in the 2nd Era, most probably after the time of the Knahaten Flu, or at least I have so surmised due to reasons in the text. Whether or not the tale is true, it remains an interesting story of survival.
The reader will, I trust, forgive me if I translated the epic somewhat informally. The message, I think, is universal, and should not be misread.
Enjoy, gentle reader.
The Grey Falcon , a small warship of the Sumurset Isle, Was patrolling deep in the ocean for a pirate That had been looting the coast. The first three weeks out were uneventful. Two hours after sunset, on the 22nd day out of port, The lookout spotted a top of a sail in the moonlight, Just on the horizon. "Sail! To starboard, forward quarter!" The lookout of the Grey Falcon cried. The crew and captain of the Grey Falcon were quickly roused, And stumbled to the deck. "'Tis the ship we're looking for, Captain," said the lookout.
"All hands to battle stations! All archers to their posts," The Captain yelled, "Full ahead!" The two ships closed, And a dark figure stepped out onto the forecastle of the pirate ship. The figure made a gesture with his hands, And a giant ball of fire streaked towards the Grey Falcon. The ball of fire struck the Grey Falcon in her sails, Quickly catching them aflame.
The figure made another gesture. Large bolts of ice streaked out from his hands, And hit the Grey Falcon just above and below the water line, Gouging large holes in her hull. The Grey Falcon was mortally wounded. The Captain cried, "All hands abandon shi-" As he was cut off by a pirate's arrow shot into his throat.
As the Grey Falcon, aflame and listing badly, plunged into the sea, One of her sailors, Darik Seaspit, Managed avoid the pirate arrows and spells to make his way to a lifeboat, And lowered it into the darkness below. Just as the lifeboat entered the water, a quick grey shape jumped into it. Darik looked, and saw it was Helnor Snarlsbane, A Khajiit mercenary assigned to the ship. The two rowed the small boat away, As the Grey Falcon finished her descent into the sea. In the darkness, the Pirate ship missed their small craft. After the two rowed well out of the pirates possible view, They both collapsed from exhaustion.
Early morning the next day, They took an inventory of the lifeboats stores. Normally the lifeboat carries enough food and water To supply seven people for at least ten days.
In place of the food, though, Helnor found a note: "The food in this lifeboat was found to be in violation of Sumerset Navy regulation during inspection. In accordance to that article, the food was taken away and destroyed. A replacement may be obtained by redeeming this letter at the Port Supply Office. Signed, Lt. Inspector Windhollow" Helnor read aloud.
Said Darik, to his Khajiit Companion, "We have plenty of water, but we are out of food. I don't know what we're going to do. I suppose we could try fishing, but we have no bait. "There's no chance we can make it back to land Before we starve to death - 'twill be over a month in this craft" "Wait, I have an idea" said Helnor, with a gleam in his catlike eye.
Six weeks later, the lifeboat entered the port of Corwich. As it was tethered to the dock, a solitary figure was pulled out, Looking weather beaten and thin. One of the dock workers peered into the life raft, After the figure was taken away to the port healer for treatment. "Hmm, what's this", a worker said to himself, As he picked up a large bone from the boat, A bone bleached white by the sun.
After the sole survivor of the Grey Falcon recovered from his ordeal, He was taken to the inquest for the death of Darik Seaspit, And placed on a chair before the magistrate. "We here in High Rock have a dim view of cannibalism. You'd better have a good reason for your actions," The inquisitor boomed at Helnor Snarlsbane.
"By the Lady, do you?" Helnor stood, and said, "Your Honor, I had no choice. There was no food, and it was at least two months to the closest port. We both decided this was the only way someone would make it" "Well, then , I suppose that is understandable, If somewhat distasteful," the inquisitor said. "You think it was distasteful?," Helnor muttered to himself, "I didn't have any seasoning."
"One final thing, Mr. Snarlsbane, How was it decided that you would be the one that would dine on the other? The toss of a coin?" Helnor drew himself up and said, "Your honor, it was very simple. Darik Seaspit was a vegetarian" "Case dismissed!"