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What's the funniest thing that occurred in Skyrim?

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What's the funniest thing that occurred in Skyrim?

  • Something happened in the game that made you laugh?  Please tell about it. Here's what I found funny:

    I was sneaking through a Nordic Ruin with the NPC follower J'zargo. The Khajiit mage said, "If anyone sneaks up on us, J'zargo will smell them coming."  As he was speaking, I heard the familiar sound of the creaking bones of a skeleton who appared and hit J'zargo on the back of his head with an ancient Nordic battle axe.  To which he replied, "Or he might not. We'll see."  When this happened I just lost it!  Comedy is all about timing, and that one could not have been timed any better.

    8-)

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    • That is why i love Skyrim, random stuff happen every day.

      Well, when one of my character's, Maiq the Thief (Maiq the Liar's brother) started, he took a carriage to Solitude. He entered the Fletcher to get some poisons and arrows, for free ^^.

      Well, i goed around the shop and found something that didnt gave any sense at all!

      There was a apple, in one of the display cases, and under it there was a glass bow. So, at lvl 3 Maiq allready haved one of the best bows in the game :D

      I think i have a picture of the bow, but i forgot to take one of the apple. I will set it in and report other funny episodes ;D

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    • You mean the glass bow was not visible until you removed the apple?

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    • No, the glass bow was UNDER the display case, and the apple was in the looked display case. I think the apple was a glitch, because when i opened the display case, i couldnt take it. The bow must have glitched through the display case.

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    • ...that's funny?

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    • LOL!  You should start leaving an apple as a calling card every time you steal from a shop!


      8-)

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    • Well this happened on one of my earlier profiles.

      My character, a Khajit thief by the name of Lunala, was going through the forests of the Rift, when I spotted random encounter where a Frostbite spider was attacking a troll. At first, it looked like the spider would win, cuz the troll got down on one knee. But, then the spider walked away, the troll got up, hopped over to it, and killed it in one swing. Then, it did that hopping motion where it swings its arms. I cracked up at that. A Troll with a brain. HAHAHA!!!

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    • LOL!  Yeah, the first troll my first character encountered did that to me.  It dropped to the ground after hitting it several times.  Looked like it was dead, but then attacked my character when he turned his back and walked away.  I guess it's health regeneration power must have kicked in, bringing him back from the dead!

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    • Actually, I've done this several times. If you damage a troll to just a sliver of health left, it drops onto it's face unconcious, then when it's regeneration heals it enough it gets back up. It's kind of funny to keep knocking out a troll over and over. 

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    • So one day I decided, damn, I want some Glass Armor. Let's go hunting for leather and go to Riften to smith. As soon as I fast-traveled to Riften I turned right to go to ther forge, to my surprise though, Bulimand(?) wasn't there, but, Lione the Lioness(? or some shit) was the one operating the workbench, as I pushed her off, I went to improve my Nightingale armor for some quick experience, as I got off the workbench Lionel the Lioness(?) was blended in with another person, and they were both talking at the same time, I thought; Public-magical-ghostly sexual intercourse is not illegal in these times?! Another one was when I made a new character when I got out of Alvor's house he didn't leave through the front door but to the wall where the forge is(as soon as you enter his home, to the left wall, he teleported out of that) when I went outside to the forge, he was stuck in the wall, halfway, xD, I just burst out laughing at that.

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    • Gilathir wrote:
      Actually, I've done this several times. If you damage a troll to just a sliver of health left, it drops onto it's face unconcious, then when it's regeneration heals it enough it gets back up. It's kind of funny to keep knocking out a troll over and over. 


      Yeah, trolls appear to be the only creatures with this trait.

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    • Vampyrum wrote:
      So one day I decided, damn, I want some Glass Armor. Let's go hunting for leather and go to Riften to smith. As soon as I fast-traveled to Riften I turned right to go to ther forge, to my surprise though, Bulimand(?) wasn't there, but, Lione the Lioness(? or some shit) was the one operating the workbench, as I pushed her off, I went to improve my Nightingale armor for some quick experience, as I got off the workbench Lionel the Lioness(?) was blended in with another person, and they were both talking at the same time, I thought; Public-magical-ghostly sexual intercourse is not illegal in these times?! Another one was when I made a new character when I got out of Alvor's house he didn't leave through the front door but to the wall where the forge is(as soon as you enter his home, to the left wall, he teleported out of that) when I went outside to the forge, he was stuck in the wall, halfway, xD, I just burst out laughing at that.

      Strange.  Talking about wierd, while playing on the Xbox, Uthgerd the Unbroken decided to take on a couple of giants. My character was a low-level theif-mage, so he stayed back and pelted the giants with arrows as they waled on Uthgerd. When I finished off the last giant, I went looking for her and found her lying face-down in the dirt. I thought I must have accidentally hit her with an arrow when she was low on health, so I walked away. I heard someone approaching behind me, so I turned around to see Uthgerd following me, still face down in the dirt!  Fast jumping got her stand up again.

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    • While it doesn't beat yours, here's the wierdest/funniest I've seen in Skyrim. I was walking towards the place for a Companions quest, I noticed a mammoth quite far away, I of course thought to stay away from it just in case. Suddenly it skyrocketed towards the sky and fell down about equally as fast, dying from the fall. I ran up to it and found loot as if nothing strange had happened. I would've loved to see Ysolda's face when I told her how I got that mammoth's tusk she wanted.

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    • My first time fighting the Frost Giant Ghost, Kastraag, he took a couple swings at me; when one connected, he hit me so hard it killed me and sent me flying straight up into the atmosphere. All I could think was "HOMERUN!!" as I burst out laughing. It wasn't funny after the 30th time. God, that guy is a pain. 

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    • Spockrates wrote:
      LOL!  You should start leaving an apple as a calling card every time you steal from a shop!


      8-)

      Hey, that is a damm good idea. I always thought i should leave something behind just to troll people, and that is perfect. 

      Aleksandr, Maybe it aint the funniest thing in the world, but i think it was funny.

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    • i was walking along the beach from raven rock to tel mithryn, when i saw a mage doing something up ahead. as i walked up to him, i heard him say "fly like a dragon". a second later he did some spell and shot into low orbit, only to fall back to the ground right in front of me. he hit a rock, bounced off and flew twenty feet into the ocean. i dont know if it was scripted, but i couldnt stop laughing

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    • Fighting some Necromancer's in a dungeon, when suddenly Sanguine appeared and joined me in Battle. There's already an article about this funny effect on this wiki :$

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    • TodKarlson
      TodKarlson removed this reply because:
      I didn't realize I wasn't logged in when I posted it.
      18:33, February 9, 2013
      This reply has been removed
    • I mentioned the other day how I lost my 2 Dead Thralls when I went to Sovngarde, so I reloaded a prior save and went to my home, Lakeview Manor, and killed them to loot the awesome gear I made for them, so I could stow it away for their replacements. As they are prone to do, their bodies disappeared as soon as I went outside and returned. Last night I returned home and guess who was waiting INSIDE wanting to kick my butt, the Forsworn Ravager Ice Mage whom I "laid-off" days ago. I've gotten used to coming home to a yard full of vampires, wolves, giants, etc., but never INSIDE the house. Not really "funny" - ha ha, but it was unexpected. Jealous Dead Thrall back from eternity?

      When giants were a challenge, I found it hilarious to get knocked into low-Nirn orbit by their clubs. I had Mjoll grab one, and yesterday she smacked a vampire with it and zoom!

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    • I was fighting a giant in one of the camps closer to Whiterun bleakwind basin, and the giant came running after me, so I used to shout at the giant ice form and then as if he had stumbled on a stone began to spin in the air and his arms and legs were stretching like elastic and died. It was the funniest thing I've seen in skyrim and of course it was a bug.

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    • A few days ago I accidentally killed Nura Snow-Shod in Riften but managed to get away with it by running away before I got a bounty, somehow. The next day I headed to Solitude to kill Vittoria Vici for the DB, and Nura's body minus clothing had spawned there in some weird glitched out position with her arms and legs bent backwards, which would have been creepy enough had the rest of the guests not kept bending down and stroking her. I went into the Temple of the Divines and came back out in the hope that she'd disappear, and she did - except a Frostbite Spider was in her place, with its legs all curled round in the same position her arms and legs were, and everyone was still stroking it! She turned up again in Morthal a few hours later and the same thing happened :( I'm being haunted

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    • I have the bulls eye perk for archery. You know the one that has a chance to paralyse. I went to treva's watch and went to get the quest from that guy who's family owns it but its captured by bandits. But i just killed him and the bodyguards. however one of them got paralysed and got killed at the same time when i shot him. So he was dead stuck in a cross legged position sitting infront of the fire. I took everything from hime to make him lighter and then dragged him and threw him in the air but he was just stuck in the same position like he was trying to do a cannon ball. I then dragged him up a hill and dropped him and he just kept doing forward rolls while naked straight down a hill!!! True story.

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    • I've seen A LOT of funny things, but what happened in Solstheim tops them for me...


      My character is a werewolf.. and I have never ran into a random encounter werewolf in the wilds.  Well, while wandering Solstheim at night I heard a man say "You shouldn't have come here!"  And I turn around just in time to see a lone man turn into a werewolf.  I was instantly excited, and transformed myself into beast form to have a good ol' werewolf battle.


      We walked toward each other and yet he didn't attack me... so we stopped several feet apart just staring at each other.  I manipulated the camera to make an epic looking shot of the stand-off...  looked amazing.  After a few moments of anticipation... suddenly a dialogue box appears and the option is.......  "What've you got for sale?"  lmao..  it was so random that it just cracked me up.  I sold him a wolf pelt... and we went our seperate ways.  Not what you'd expect from two werewolves.  Didn't even know you could converse in werewolf form... obvious glitch, but hilarious just the same!

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    • Another thing that's funny, but not Ha! Ha! funny, is that on X-box360 the game will make you eat ingredients by pushing "A" when your're supposed to push either trigger button.  The net result of which is accidentally ingesting a lot of expensive/poisonous stuff while stowing your ingredients and you push "A" to select a multitude of items, but double-click it.  The first "A" fulfills your intention, the second "A" causes you to eat the next item in your inventory, even though that's not the correct button to push.

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    • I play the 360. Before "Dragonborn" came out I had a... Broken character. I had gotten the Silent Moons enchantment and decided to do some vamp slaying. I got the notion of putting crazy enchantments on unlikely weapons, like "The Pick Axe of Doom" ect. I decided to make a super powerful Wooden Sword (basic Wooden Sword with Silent Moon). On it's own the sword did almost no damage, but as soon as the sun went down it did over a hundred million damage. After I completed Dawnguard with it I gave it to my in game son. *chuckle*

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    • I was doing the flaskback during the main quest, where you go to learn Dragonrend. When the Tongues used it on Alduin, and as he landed, a random body flew at Felldir. SPOILING OF A GREAT MOMENT!!!

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    • I remeber one time that I had just signed up for the Dark Brotherhood and was walking through a town. As I walked by a guard he said "Hey, I know who you are, hail Sithis." I cracked up at this.

      Another time I had just gotten Mehrunes razor and since it was ebony it was better than what I had, so I equipped it. Anyway I was walking through the Dwemer Museum (The part you're allowed to enter) and one of the guards there said "*Whistles* What'd you have to kill to get that knife." I started laughing so hard at this. 

      Man, I love the guards.  (Except when they're not hunting me down to kill me)

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    • Most amusing thing that happened to me was when I was in Falkreath. I was completely hidden and murdered a chicken, for I was low on foodstuffs and had salt. I was instantly bounty'd and the guards came after me. Eventually an Ancient Dragon decided to attack, and the Guards would attack me instead of the Dragon. Being an Imperial (not of the Legion, just the race) I used Voice of the Emperor to calm them and pay off my bounty. Those calmed Guards were the only Guards to survive the attack though. I did get to add Falkreath to my list of collected Guards' armor sets.

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    • By the way, I was instantly bounty'd because I used magic instead of a bow/sword.

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    • Taerdan wrote:
      By the way, I was instantly bounty'd because I used magic instead of a bow/sword.


      Actually, you may have been bounty'd regardless... 


      The second funniest thing that ever happened to me was in an Orcish stronghold.  I was fist-fighting the chief to gain their respect... while dancing around dodging punches I backed into a goat-pen, and when I swung at him accidentally punched the goat in the face.  I instantly got a 5 gold bounty in the stronghold and the fight was interrupted with them making me pay it.  (So I lost the 100 gold wager)  After squaring my debts, I challenged him again... except the game glitched and after he accepted I would instantly lose the 100 gold and the fight would be over before it began again.  I lost 900 gold over the course of several days trying to restart the fist-fight.


      Apparently they must have been fond of this particular goat... ah, Orsimer. 

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    • When I became a vampire for the first time (before Dawnguard) I visited Riften while completely Bloodstarved... 

      Everyone just went absolutely insane trying to kill me... Mjoll the Lioness defended me and massacred the entire city... There is no-one left in the streets except un-killable NPCs... Riften's like a ghost town now.

      I thought it was hillarious, until I discovered that Wujeeta had been caught up in the carneige, I can't buy the house now....

      Bugger.

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    • The funniest thing that has probably happened to me in Skyrim was using Unrelenting force on a corpse sending it flying through the air which it HIT and KILLED a sabre cat. 

      Then I had a guard following me around like a Housecarl....he wasn't very keen on me "borrowing" his arrows and I got locked up on the spot

      There was a guard in Riften while I was in Nightingale armor, he stopped and said "Watch your hands Sneak-Thief" then he went about his day. A guard came out of nowhere and said "By order of the Jarl, stop right there." First time going to Riften in 3 months on Skyrim and I get pinched on a 3 gold bounty...

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    • 1. I came home and found my son kinda trapped under the table. Waist and lower was under the house somewhere and his head was merged with the tabletop.


      He welcomed me and asked for pocketmoney.


      2. I ran from my home to a giants camp, killed everything I saw then spotted... Meeko.

      On his side. Sliding towards me.

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    • Someone else posted something similar, but one time I was just walking through the plains to the west of Whiterun, minding my own business, when suddenly a mammoth fell out of the sky. It was alive during its fall. It wasn't after.

      And as far as Taerdan's chicken incident goes, I learned the hard way my first day in the game not to kill chickens. You will die. There is no other way to resolve the conflict.

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    • The funniest thing that happened for me was as a werewolf. I was playing on master and ran into some bandits. They started firing arrows after me. Me as a werewolf transformed into one, I was low health so I figured I might have to quicksave. The moment it had saved I got killed by an arrow flying in mid-air, so every time it reloaded the quicksave I got killed by the arrow.

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    • Me casting a frenzy spell on a little girl in Whiterun and watching the whole town go apeshit on her, albeit being invincible lil' girl.

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    • The most weirdest thing that happened to Me was when The Greybeards threw me through the doors of High Hrothgar by Using Ice Form on me... Then when I was outside I just flew away! :D But my arms and legs were rotation forever.. Well... That didnt feel so good... :/ But it looked Hilarious! :D

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    • Oh, just got something to add. I (accidentally) picked up part of the Stormcloak questline (I want to be neutral) as my Imperial (race) Mage. Does anyone else find it weird that you can be an Imperial Stormcloak?

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    • I fireballed a dragon skeleton so he would fly away, about a minute later when I am fighting a mammoth for Ysolda it landed and killed a giant I didn't see about to kill me.

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    • That reminds me... just yesterday I was fighting with the Giants near Sleeping Tree Camp (I think). Where you can see a dragon circling over Eldersblood Peak... all of a sudden something (UFO) flew at the distant dragon and sent it cartwheeling through the air...  

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    • I was messing around with sneak arrow attacks on the boy in the first village, and using fury spell on him or his dog. I did something that got the cow to kill the dog, and i didnt even get a bounty for it. Another time i was fighting the innkeeper and i was killed by her right as i went out the door, as zoon as i got out i went flying up about 500 feet in the air, and i was still going up when it started to load the last save point.

      Another time i was killing everyone and doing funny things with the bodies, like in the escape from helgen i organized all of the corpses by putting all of the male imperials in one of the cages, the male stormcloaks in another cage, and all the females corpses in different cells and beds in various poses.

      Then out in the village i killed the blacksmith by the river and he fell in and the body floated downstream, i wondered if it might float down to whiterun and the gaurds start an investigation to find the killer.

      On a side note, its cool they added a sort of water physics that pushes downstream, i wonder if they could add random gusts of wind up on mountain tops. So if you are climbing up in a precarious spot a random gust can push you off the edge.

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    • I recently remembered of an instance with a friend of mine. He decided to go on a Werewolf Rampage to blow off steam and later load to restore the citizens he killed. He sprinted into Sigurd and did the two-handed sprinting power attack, so Sigurd said "Whoops" as he fell over dead. During that same rampage, he did similar to Heimskir. "Trust in me, Whiterun-" the gets mauled.

      My personal favorite involving Heimskr is this quote made by cutting him off: "To you, we are but maggots..." That and "The Imperials wish to silence the dragons."

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    • Just a moment ago I entered Nelath's tower and saw that transporter. Marcurio go to the top before me, I followed up, then he nocked me back down and I died. Marcurio you just killed your wife.

      I burst out laughing.

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    • I was a Breton mage by the name of Amantius, when a thief approached and said "Hand over your valuables or I will gut you like a fish!" I shocked him and Shouted him into a lake where he was killed by some slaugtherfish! LOL

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    • I entered my house and saw many things. First, my son was sitting on a chair and the bard I hired was standing on his lap playing the lute. It looked like she was giving him a lap dance. Second, my wife was stirring food in the cooking pot and my daughter was standing in the fire with her pet bunny.

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    • While roaming the ashen wastes of Solstheim I happened upon a mage mumbling to himself.  I got closer to investigate, and he started to cast some kind of spell, claiming that he could fly and that nobody believed him.  He cast the spell, and he launched high into the air screaming in joy.  I swear I could see him disappear into the clouds, his voice fading as he gained altitude.  I waited for 'X' seconds, and I was about to leave the area when the poor mage slammed into the ground and died instantly.

      My face was numb for hours...

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    • I know that this bug is no secret. Where if you return to Morvunskar after finishing the quest A Night to Remember then Sanguine can be found in the lower area near the place where the portal was originally.

      But what had ne rolling is what he is saying. If you sneak in and get down to the lower level undetected you can find Sanguine battling the Nercomages. I found him surrounded by them (I think there were 4) and they were just pounding on him and Sanguine who is not fighting back is saying, "Remember to Aim For the One in the Middle" in a think drunken slur.

      Its pretty funny but I have only gotten that to happen with high sneak.

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    • I remember leveling alteration with telekinesis on Solitude's market, i flinged most of the food there, one leek killing a shopwoman, what a waste of 1000 septims!

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    • Spockrates wrote:
      LOL!  You should start leaving an apple as a calling card every time you steal from a shop!


      8-)


      Haha! I should try that!

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    • Walking the dark dungeons of whatever the Snow Elf guy sends you through to kill his brother. I'm on the frontlines killing the baddies, when my Riekling shoots me in the back with an arrow...My Argonian dies, knees forward and spread out, crotch out in the open. The Scaled Horn Armor he was wearing made it look like a kilt gone wrong.

      Since my Spellsword is glass-cannon as hell, when faced with a big baddie alone, I often have to use the terrain to my advantage. Such as when a Giant was at my home, I had to play ring-around-the-rosie with a pile o' logs and throw Fireballs at the big guy till he knelt...So I guess it was an epic game of ring-around-the-rosie, and it still got the heart pounding, but still.

      Also when I came home, my Lucia was all "Papa! What did you get me?" I didn't get the chance to respond, she said "Aww", and began running. I'm like 'why are you running', so I catch her, she says "GET AWAY!" And I ran inside the house with her...Took me a while to realize there were bandits around. Thought I just made my little girl VERY angry.

      I also managed to kill something (forget what) with Dawnbreaker and caused an explosion...Then remembered something about it hurting vampires...Oh yeah, Serana's my partner, isn't she...I turn around to see her cowering, running like she's on fire, and she turns and stays invsible for a good 5 minutes...Plus I can still talk to her in that state. Oh god, the pain I put my Followers through.

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    • The funniest thing was a drunken Nord saying this: GET IN MAH BELLAH!

      Lol. I snickered.

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    • just today i killed a dragon in riverwood and a few hours later i was in riftin and "dragon soul absrobed"

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    • After roggvirs execution a guard went what happened and infinitely stroked the corpse  

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    • The funniest thing that happend to me was when i was doing the companions quest with the Witches and i took a head and turned around looked in a chest got out of the chest looked back and the witch was standing up with its arms in the streached out  and the head was missing i  threw my controller on the ground it scared me alot

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    • If you want to do funny things get ice spike and fire bolt duel weild and shoot both at the same time at som3tsomething dead it will launch far away

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    • I remember once watching a Bear almost take out an entire Bandit encampment in Falkreath hold.

      Most of the job had been done for me xD

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    • I had recently (at that time) had gotten the DLC's for Skyrim (Xbox 360). So I heard about the Enchanted Ice Pirate Armor, I found a piece. (The one near the beach) (I think i 'twas the helmet) Once I put it on. I immediately heard wierd dialogues and sounds of wolves. I just dismissed it, but in the quest the "Staff of Corruption". In the flashback One of the leaders said instead of the normal Dialogue he said and i quote "My Boyfriend Died, Its sad without him"

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      • The Winterhold Guards sent Hired Thugs after me at level 15 after having a conversation with the steward about stealing a staff. I never stole anything from Winterhold!
      • Watching an idle Giant scratching his back with his club.
      • Level 16 and being near...Angarvunde, I think its spelled. Anyway, fought a Giant near that Orc stronghold, and ran up to the ruin and start to wonder "Where's Benor?" Look around and find him behind me face first in the dirt, but still alive. A Frostbite Spider attacks, and Benor could only bend his elbows and knees, but not get up from this ridiculous position, and he "slid" about in a strange manner. Only a Fast-Travel fixed it.
      • Did the Companions questline only after I found out that you could cure yourself of Lycanthropy, because I didn't want to be a Werewolf in the first place. I sped through the quests, and once when I walked past a guard on my way to report to Aela, he said "Have you been tending to your hounds? Ugh, you smell like a wet dog!"
      • I waited 'till I was level 48 (I'm now 50) to do Throat of the World, mostly because I was having too much fun elsewhere. I brought my favorite Follower with me, Erandur, and did the quests up to defeating Alduin there. After the vision of the Dragonrend Shout, and the fierce battle with Alduin, I saw that Erandur still kept the Epic Glass gauntlets and boots I gave him, but the chest piece was missing. I think that the game leveled him up somehow, that the vision was a "trigger" of some sort, and it re-arranged his inventory as well, because he was always stuck with that Dwarven mace he had when I met him at level 18, and an Orc shield that became "his" when I asked to store it temporarily in his inventory. The Dwarven mace, Orc shield, and the Epic Glass chest armor were gone from his inventory(replaced with an Ebony mace that I knew I didn't put there), and he was standing there after the fight without the Glass chest piece, but still wore the matching boots and gauntlets. Just standing there, in his underwear, holding a torch, as if it were the most normal thing in the world. I laughed until my cheeks hurt.
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    • The first time I took Serana home to her daddy, she rezzed an undead chicken to fight off a bear. Seriously, a chicken.

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    • 99.196.145.249 wrote: The first time I took Serana home to her daddy, she rezzed an undead chicken to fight off a bear. Seriously, a chicken.

      This is why you join the Dawnguard...

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    • I was in riften I just came out of my house and their was a guard sitting in the air with a cup he was there for 2 in game days

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    • Onetime I decided to try third person I drew my bow, but it seems to get stuck, then slid sideways until it was halfway through my head.

      Another time I killed a bandit, but became overencumbered.  Because I was close to Dawnstar I decided to just put due did in the  and drag him, but at one point I dropped him off a cliff, and when he got the bottom he started jerking wildly, then to of and started flying in circles.  Eventually he stopped, and appeared frozen midair, but whenever I hit him he would move in falling notions as if in stop motion, then eventually start flying again before freezing  the same spot.

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    • 1. When i was wearing Dragonscale armor, and went to Riften. I just tried to pickpocket a guard and next thing I know he turns around before I press the button and he attacks me. I checked my bounty and had nothing. I got out of sneak mode and let him attack, it took him five hours in real time to kill me. I was just laughing.

      2. After I finished one of the Main Quests that dealt with Kynesgrove, a guard from Kynesgrove comes up and says "Did you hear? A dragon attacked Kynesgrove." I was laughing my ass off.

      3. When I was attacking a giant camp a dragon skeleton came out of nowhere. Crushed two giants and left me with one more that just stood there and looked at the skeleton like an idiot. Easiest kill ever for me.

      4. When I paralsised someone, a Guard looks at me and says "Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, watch the magic." And I had a bounty. He didn't even bother to say "By order of the Jarl, stop right there" or "Sheathe your weapons and come along with us."

      5. For some reason I was in Winterhold and next thing I see is a Couier getting attacked by Imperals. Look at the Couier and he got back up and said, "nope nothing, sorry." Then the guards attacked him and the cycle continued until I fast traveled to Riften.

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    • Best thing that ever happened to me was I was using the showracemenu command and switching from an Argonian to a Breton. Everything looked fine in the editor, but when I entered my name and went into third person..... I was a human with a lizard tail! XD

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    • I have 2 funny stories at the moment.

      1- My daughter came and asked me for a gift, so I gave her a shirt. instead of putting it on, she removed hers and walked around in a bra and underwear... I refered to her as 'rebellious Erith' until she decided to put it back on.

      2- I used Dead Thrall on that guy who dies in Herma's quest(Bugged it so he lived) then did the master conjuration ritual. I summon the Dremora and the minute he spawns, he decapitates my Thrall... His head flew off the roof.

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    • Not me, but it happened to my brother. he was in the middle of talking to belethor when he entered his house, Breezehome. Belethor walked into hi house with him! Its mostly funny cause now when I see his kids, I always say 'Look daddy! It followed me home!' referencing to Belethor.

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    • I was walking down a path minding my own business when i ready to saw a dragon and got prepared for battle, when all of sudden a giant comes up and clubs the dragon. i sat and watched the battle for almost 10 min.

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    • So I have Talvas as my partner... im in Neloths tower when im about to leave. Talvas runs into me and bumped me off the bridge.

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    • The Mage of Lakeview wrote:
      ...runs into me and bumped me off the bridge.

      Thats basically what Lydia did to me all the way though Dragonborn but annoyingly i had to stick with her to hear all her new dialog, she also refused to use Neloths elevator properly.

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    • So im attacking the collage of winterhold with my dragon (cause i have dragonborn) and ancano simply says... are you quite sure we need to be speaking

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    • so a guard comes up to me with a warhammer and says you like me eh dont fancy those chunky 2 handed weapons

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    • One of my less law-abiding characters was in Grave Concoctions gathering some free ingredients, and I heard Zaria say "Browse as much as you like, please". She really would not have said that if she knew what my "browsing" entailed...

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    • Well, I found out that Ash Shell does not give you bounty if used on a guard. So I got it for my sneaky kitty, and stalked around at night in full Nightingale armor, sniping guards into statues whenever they say something annoying.

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    • By the gods NO!!!!! a necromancer has just summoned the godly goat!!!!!!! my days in skyrim are over

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    • The Mage of Lakeview wrote: So I have Talvas as my partner... im in Neloths tower when im about to leave. Talvas runs into me and bumped me off the bridge.

      Followers like to do that a lot. If they get too far behind, they will run with a vengeance up to your current position, even if you're on the edge of a cliff. Almost got killed a few times, but managed to inch away from the edge.

      Vilkas and his brother suffer from an unfortunate bug where they might not attack an enemy that is actively attacking them. They will yell about how they are getting hurt and how they will tear the enemy's heart out, but only attack said enemy(s) if the player attacks first. Doesn't happen all the time, but every so often.

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    • I just got cicero as my follower, and we just got to Markarth hold, were we were attacked by a dragon. After i killed it, I saw cicero runing thruogh it`s corpes chasing a fox... he came back and said " cicero saw a dwarf!" I never laffed so hard in my life!!

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    • I have that annoying bug where a dragon follows you around, it kept giving me heart attacks when it dropped out of the sky, well I fast traveled to whiterun and it wasn't there so I thought "yay its gone" and celebrated by drinking mead...when in the corner of my eye I see something shake, I turn to see a dragon skeleton slowly growing from the floor, and it was STARING AT ME! It started to breakdance but instead of it being hollow it was solid as stone and as it was spazzing its wings and face started to whack everyone, they got angry and started to attack it but obvs fail, lots of people died that day, and I learnt a valuable lesson never ignore a dragon, even if its dead or it WILL get revenge. Its still following me to this day. Also lots of people keep saying I'm a guy, even tho I'm a woman... my kid went "hey ma can I have some money" I gave him some then he said "thanks pa!" And when I picked up a bounty letter I was stated as a HIM also a guy said "your a good man" to me. A courier turned up naked then had the nerve to use the tanning rack outside my house...forever...my character never blinks, I killed a guy by doing a werewolf slice and he flew VERY HIGH UP then smashed down and got stuck in the ground and started breakdancing everywhere. I was riding ohdahviing and he started spinning really fast it made me feel sick and then he dive bombed into the ocean where I nearly drowned then he flew into a mountain and broke the game...I'm Wolfie by the way, just CBA signing in lol

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    • Wolfie again. I remembered another, I was trying to summon durnehviir in whiterun but kept failing so I went into dragonsreach and accidently summoned him...and it worked! He was a bit stuck but he didn't mind, and nords being as clever as they are, didn't notice a thing, the guard even said "be it dragon or giant, we will be ready" lol timing. I tried to get rid of him by shooting fire bolts coz I didn't think he would fight back, how wrong I was, he took the first chance he got and shouted "oh a fight!" He then used his drain shout on me but it also hit the jarl...he got up and everything went into chaos, durnehviir was happily blasting people into the wall, I was trying to calm everyone down and my follower was beheading people, awkward. Eventually I got rid of durnehviir but no one accepted my yield and when the jarl hit me, my controller shook and fell and landed on the shout button...which summoned durnehviir...I'll let you guess what crazy crap happened next. I officially painted dragons reach red though, I'll give you that.

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    • During Loud and Clear, I was hiking to Goldenglow when I hear a roar off to my right.  I looked to see a dragon circling a ways away.  As I was a low level, I decided to not attract the beast.  It saw me anyway.  So I hightailed it to Goldenglow and because I was an Argonian I dove under the bridge and swam to the shallow bottom.  The dragon must've decided I wasn't worth the effort and bypassed me completely and started annihilating the mercenaries.  I was laughing my gills off!

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    • Haha I signed in :D anyway, I was climbing one of the hidden peaks of solstheim when I got stuck in the mountain because I whirlwind shouted, I fought fiercely to get out but only made it worse, I started shaking and vibrating and the camera kept smashing into me (I need to hire a new camera man...) the shaking got more violent until I was launched from the mountain and into space, I thought I was done for but when I landed I just got up and dusted myself down lol. I continued to walk away thinking I was invincible when I was killed by a static flying fox that was teleporting around the forest, it flew so fast and then hit me, I was killed by a ball of fur but survived a trip to the moon. :/

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    • I remember I was standing at the Windhelm docks, more specifically, in the Northern Maiden! I was talking to captain Gjalund regarding passage to Solstheim when a salmon swam peacefully (in mid-air) past Gjalunds face and kept going. I wasn't even paying attention to Gjalund's story about the cultists anymore, because I was so amused by the fish. After a little while of swimming in a rather straight line it suddenly started ascending until I couldn't see it anymore. I don't know what it was all about, but I'll never forget you, hovering Messiah-salmon!

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    • I ran into some bandits yesterday in a random encounter. They pulled their weapons out when I got too close, and I could see something that they were guarding lying in the grass. I though "Loot!" and attacked, only to find after the bandits were dead that they were guarding a...wait for it...bunny corpse. Seriously? A dead bunny?

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    • Odahviing is soooo fat, he landed on the ground so hard that it shook the screen made the controller vibrate AND crashed the game, also the controller won't stop vibrating, he created a level 10 earthquake! I really need to put him on a diet...

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    • 1. Master Neloth vs Serana (as a follower) fought each other

      2. 5 falmers killed by 1 dwarven centurion ( i was hiding, when that centurion slaughtering those falmers) 

      3. poor draugr who's killed because stepped on his own trap

      4 when i kill some npc stealthy i love those npc's dialogue hahaha (like: By ysmir beard! there is kiler about!)

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    • I was in the temple of Kynareth to steal healing potions and since my character was a vampire I decided to feed on the farmer, but someone saw me and people start shouting about an aggression. A guard entered the temple and extracted the weapon aiming to the ill farmer, I feed again and another guard enter the temple and kill her.

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    • There are several things:

      Tale 1/ I was peacefully wandering around the summit of Mount Anthor when I saw something being thrown in the air from the very summit of a peak nearby. It landed right before me and I saw it was a dead horse. BUT as soon as it touched the ground, it just bounced in a "boing" way and peacefully flew back to the peak. I was like "?"

      Tale 2/ I was wandering in some stinky Nordic tomb, slaying awful walking corpses, when I came in a long corridor. A Draugr Scourge rose from its funerary bed, unsheathed its Longsword and started to run, while I kept waiting it. The poor creature walked on a trap and got smashed by the battering ram. I was laughing my gills off, Nords aren't very clever once dead x)

      Tale 3/ I exited the Palace of Kings and met one of the hooded vampiric travelers you randomly encounter with Dawnguard installed. We started our brawl, I slain him with the helps of the guards and Serana, but when he died, and when the brave citizens of Windhelm went back to their lives, I walked around the Chandlhearth Hall but as soon as I approached anyone, they fled with fear. Even Agrenor started to run screaming "Help!" when I passed near him. And Serana decided to attack Silda for she was upset of afraid people, I guess. Silda started to run. However, Serana threw her a fatal Ice Pike. Normal life in Syrim. The most awful is that I kept watching the scene while laughing. I was like "why the hell??" x). I used to like Silda... Stupid vampires...

      Tale 4/ I was wandering north from Winterhold and I became etheral to safely and quickly go down the rocky thing I was on. When I arrived down it, I saw a goat jumping and landing on the snow. "How cute", I thought. A second goat did the same. A third goat jumped and... died when it crashed on the small rock on the snow. Well, nature is cruel... but d@mn funny x)

      Tale 5/ I met Barbas near Falkreath and I started to hear his story until he explains me his plan to regain his master's friendship. And right at the moment when he told me "and there's when you come in stage!", a Frost Dragon landed like one meter away from me and started to attack! Yeah, there's when I come in stage x)

      And yeah, comedy's just a matter of timing x)

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    • Once I talked to the head grey beard after killing paarthurnax and he shouted me straight off the edge of high hrothgar. peaceful my ***

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    • If you level up followers with the Wabbajack, and they turn into a bunny, the "bunny," once it realizes you're right there, it runs so far and so fast off into the distance that when the follower changes back it takes them forever to run back to you. Kinda funny, except when bears and sabre cats see the "bunny" and attack! Then you have to go and protect your companion! Which takes you a long time to run over to where they are, especially if you're wearing heavy armor. Next time I'm going to do this in front of the Whiterun Stables, not over by Battle-Born Farm, where enemies lurk.

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    • I was in Dawnstar getting my smithing lvl up to get daedric armour and the like, when an elder dragon comes down to the town. I was pissed so I decided to go kill it. The dragon landed right above my head on the roof of the building. The smith's wife was there too. A guard came up to the dragon and got a side helping of flames and in the middle of the fire breath the wife walks out right into the flames and is deaded right there in front of the smith. He walks up to his wifes body, bearing in mind the fact that they were happily married for ten years or something, and says," What a waste," shakes his head and walks over to the forge and leans against the wall as if nothing happened

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    • Also I was lurking through some Dwemer ruins when some bandits attacked me. I slain'em all, and the last one was a young lady who was attacking me like a good bandit, so I fought back and on and on until I hit her, which laid her with low health. "Is that all? Can't you do better?" she taunted. So I rushed on her and the first blow decapited her.

      I can always do better 8-)

      And here's another one:

      I finished the first "Blood on the Ice" (which primarly ends when Wuunferth is put in jail), so I bought Hjerim and asked my family to come there (my wife (Lydia) and my two daughters). But it wasn't over. "Y'must find the true murderer yada yada...", and Wuunferth tells me to wander in the Stone Quarter. And so I did. I went out at 9pm and walked. And walked. And no murder occured. Peaceful night. So at 9am I decided to go to kill Wuunferth who had made me waste 12 hours of my life but I thought taking a walk through Windhelm could help me to calm down. But once outside I saw the quest marker and my journal saying "stop the murderer". Alright then... I followed the marker and... Wait, I bought this house, right? Hjerim is mine, now... isn't it? I entered my house, and found my huscarl peacefully sitting at the table, my daughter running out from her room with screams, and when I reached said room I found Lydia striking Calixto (never met him before), who fell on his knee, so I took up my crossbow and finished the quest x)

      I don't like when strangers visit my house x)

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    • Was in Solitude watching Roggvir's execution and Serana said, "From the castle, you used to be able to see Solitude over the mountains. It's exactly what I imagined".

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    • I had to pay a 1,000 gold bounty in Falkreath yesterday for doing...nothing. I had done nothing! Except for watching Forsworn spawn, kill them, and then Imperial soldiers appear and tell me that I'm supposed to move on. When I got home, Vilkas did the guard routine, but his brother didn't have this behavior; maybe because he was my follower at this point. I went and paid the bounty, but I have never gotten a bounty for disrupting a random encounter before, so whatever happened here I dearly hope doesn't happen again!

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    • Walked into Lakeview manor to visit meeko and my family to see how they were liking him, I hear barking so I try to follow it only to wonder around my house for five minutes, I stop in the dinning hall next to the fire pit and see a brown patch on the floor, so I'm thinking "dogs poop in skyrim?" On closer investigation the "poop" moved and barked at me, it turned out to be meekos forehead! He was sunk into the floor and when he got up to walk away only his head was showing, it looked like he was swimming through concrete! Super meeko stronger than stone! He must have learnt the bend will shout and commanded the floor to hide him so he could surprise me! Haha he has learnt well.

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      • I was clearing out Ragnvald yesterday with Vilkas. We were in the waterways fighting the Draugr, and just as Vilkas yells "True Nords never back down!" the Draugr turn tail and run. I guess they weren't "true Nords" after all.
      • Running into the hostile goat encounter is just weird. They glow all green as if a Spriggan summoned them, but no Spriggans are about, so they just come up to you, stare you down for a few seconds, and then run away. Of course, this behavior alerts your followers, who will now chase them across the landscape while you're still standing there, puzzling over why the goats were hostile in the first place.
      • The day before, I cleared out Bthardamz with Farkas. But, first, a Dragon comes out of the sky and attacks. Farkas was stuck on some rocks, so he could not come and help. After the Dragon is dead (it wasn't too hard), and its soul is absorbed, Farkas manages to un-stick himself from the rocks, run up to me, and say, "Huh?" What? You didn't see that Dragon circle in out of the sky? Boy, Vilkas was right about you!
      • Getting a job from Vilkas about some kidnapped lady from Dawnstar, I hike to the Nightcaller Temple to have Erandur along with me for a while. Anyway, the place she ends up being is a Falmer cave alll the way in the Reach. I get in the cave, make it halfway through, and hear fighting ahead. Turns out the lady really didn't want to just sit there and wait for The Companions to come and get her; she was fighting five Falmer with her Iron Dagger. She had guts!
      • Killing Forsworn with Farkas the other day, I come up behind one and the kill camera is the "backstab" one. Just as my sword is rammed through his gut, he's shouting "What? Is that all you've got?" How much more do you want?!
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    • I was fighting the Forsworn inside Broken Tower Redoubt yesterday, and one them taunted me with "Die Dragon". I was wearing a dragon priest mask when I fought her, but I don't think that makes me a dragon.

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      • I still remember when, in my first playthrough, I had Benor for a follower. He was easy enough to get; all you have to do is stroll into Morthal and kick his butt in a brawling match. Since I had waited to get a house till a later level (I think I was 30 or something), Benor carried a lot of my stuff. As he had both my pickaxe and Woodcutter's Axe, we get into a fight outside of Mzinchaleft, and what does he do? He dual-wields the two. I was like, "C'mon! Look at all of the great weapons I gave you, and you pick those?!"
      • Last playthrough, when I had Athis for a husband, I was decorating Breezehome's kitchen table with plates of food. As he kept getting in the way by always wanting to stand next to me while I was maneuvering things, I told him to sit on the bench, thinking to get him out of the way. Well, as soon as he sits down, his arms hit the plates I had so meticulously placed and scattered them and the food, with some of it going behind the table and was subsequently hard to retrieve. After messing everything up, he gets back up and says, "No, not possible." Thanks a lot, dude!
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    • The first time I saw a giant send a farmer into space.

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    • When Gleda the Goat got caught in the crossfire between Grok and my Flame Thrall.  So, at lvl 19 I had to run in circles like a madman leading the angry giant around so my thrall could use it for target practice while running from an angry immortal goat.

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    • once I was in a dwemer ruin and the last enemy was a giant frostbite spider. I sneak  attack it but instead of dying it got paralyesed and started scooting toward me. I tried runing away from it but  I relised it could not even attack me. I fixed it by shouting him of a cliff in the cave. 

        

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    • I was heading to my favourite cave, shadow green cavern to relax. When I got inside I heard the dragon fight music, and decided to investigate. I saw a elder dragon sat by the river just chillaxing and not attacking, I was thrilled to have a visitor that was friendly, apparently even dragons need a break sometimes. I sat with him, we became best buddies and discussed some deep stuff.. we skipped rocks across the river and hugged, I decided he was the one for me so I ran to my house to get a ring, but by the time I got back he was gone, I thought we had a connection. Later that week I sank into depression and turned to mead and skooma, at this very moment I am brutally killing the innocent for skooma...lol I really did see a dragon in the cave though. Zu'u dreh Daar fan hi dii lokaal! Un von fen hok einzuk osos sul

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      • Going to Riften this new playthrough to buy a house, I'm at Balimund's forge making Hide Bracers to level up Smithing. As you know, Brynjolf is supposed to come up to you the first time you enter the town. He does, but as I'm making the bracers. So he's watching me from behind while I'm working the forge, all the while saying, "I'll bet you didn't make your fortune with hard work," or some such. After I'm done, I'm fully expecting him to enter conversation, but instead he walks away and the "Talk to Brynjolf about his scheme" misc. quest doesn't come up. Thank God. I always ignore it anyway.
      • Killing a Bandit in Mzinchaleft yesterday, her corpse fell out of the chair she was sitting in (she never felt the arrow to the back of her head), then rose up back out of the floor under the chair. It made it look like she was scared and hiding under he chair like a kid!
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    • It happened just at the moment : I was wandering in the Reach and randomky found three Forsworn in a camp slaying a Stormcloack. I slaughtered the Forsworn and then turned into Beast Form to feed on their corpses. I did, and then I decided to spent my Beast Form time wandering in the Reach. On a road near a bridge I met a Stormcloak female soldier, so I stalled her, expecting her to fear me and attack. But she stopped walking, she looked at me and she calmly said "you're gonna catch a cold. At least cover your private parts"

      Thanks for the advice x)

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    • I traveled to Riverwood, then out of nowhere, a Blood Dragon appears. I take it down after it fails to BBQ Faendal. After I soul-f***k it, Frodnar, son of Gerdur and Hod, nephew of Ralof, walks up, and says "In all my years, I've never seen such a thing..." L.O.L.

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    • I named my Khajiit character Mittens, because... why not. When I read a cultist's letter about why they tried to kill me, it said "Kill the false dragonborn, Mittens" In the most serious letter possible.

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      • If you pick to be a Wood Elf (which I did this time 'round), some Bosmer talk about how great it is to see a "sister/brother Elf" around. So during my first hour of my new character, I help Faendal win over his sweetheart. He's so grateful, but then I come back 20 levels later to beat the crap out of him because Farkas says he's been "causing trouble." He must have been boasting about how he won Camilia's heart...
      • After succumbing to temptation and marrying Farkas a few levels ago (both brothers are so cute!), for the wedding guests are my two housecarls (Lydia and Iona) and Faendal, which I could not help but find humorous because I just beat him senseless not long ago and all he has to say is that he's so happy for me. o_o
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    • Erikur: "We support Elisif...If you are asking about her age and inexperience...let's just say the thanes have great confidence in General Tullius' leadership!"

      I LMAO'ed when I heard that! Too true

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      • On a new playthrough yesterday, I picked a Nord female again. Just feels right. Anyway, I travel up to Solitude at level 4 with Faendal to do the Mind of Madness quest to get the Wabbjack to level up my followers. Did the quest and did the quest in Wolfskull Cave, but as soon as I travel back to the Palace, a guard comes up to me and says I have to pay my bounty! What bounty?! Turns out I had gotten one of those "mystery bounties" that the game can put on you for doing nothing. And I know I had done nothing, or Faendal would have split, being the "lawful citizen" that he is. Luckily, it was only 40 gold, but this kind of bug is so annoying.
      • On the way to Solitude, I meet up with a hostile Novice Ice Mage. She yells at me "I'll see you burn!" but can't do much of anything, due to me showering her with Sparks and Faendal shooting her from a distance. I couldn't help but say, "You mean you're gonna 'see me FREEZE', right? You can't burn me if you're a Frost mage, you know!"
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    • Leea wrote:
      • On the way to Solitude, I meet up with a hostile Novice Ice Mage. She yells at me "I'll see you burn!" but can't do much of anything, due to me showering her with Sparks and Faendal shooting her from a distance. I couldn't help but say, "You mean you're gonna 'see me FREEZE', right? You can't burn me if you're a Frost mage, you know!"

      Maybe she had plans to defrost you later and cook you?

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    • one time i killed a dragon out front of the blue palace and went inside to do a quest, and when i came back out the dragon skeleton glitched with something and started twerking agressivly at me

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      • I married Onmund this time. I had to do the ceremony twice because he walked out as Maramal was giving the ending speech. Just barely caught him before he walked out the door and spun off into nowhere. No, I'm not joking! Marriage partners really do spin off like a top if they walk out during the marriage ceremony.
      • As I was walking around The Rift with my new husband, a Dragon decides to fight. Unfortunately, its one of those encounters where it'll fight you, fly away, combat music stops, it fights something off in the barely-perceptible distance, comes back for you, combat music starts up again, breathes a few Dragon Breaths at you, and flies off again. Damn! Just fight me, will you?!
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      • I've been testing out male Dunmer marriage candidates, to see if all their marriage and courtship dialogue is the same. Just for the record, only Revyn Sadri says anything different. I was flirting with him in the New Gnisis Cornerclub, and I guess the owner and patrons hadn't ever seen a Nord female flirt with a Dunmer, because every Dunmer there was totally quiet and they were all staring at me. I thought I'd get an Apple Pie to celebrate, so I talked to Ambarys. I thought he'd say something nice, but all he had to say was condescending: "Great. Another Nord." -_-
      • I married Revyn, and while the left pews in the temple were people I knew; Iona, Lydia, and Jarl Layla Law-Giver, the right pews were packed with Dunmer I had never even talked to before, though I recognized them from Windhelm. There were even some standing in the aisles. I guess word got 'round that a Nord liked a Dunmer and was marrying him, so a bunch of Dunmer ran outta Windhelm to see it. I kept the save of my marriage to Revyn, though. Even though I'm still married to Onmund and level 26.
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    • I started the Thalmor Embassy mission and I give to Malborn all of my arrows so he could sneek it in to later give it to me. I change my armor for party clothes and I went into the Embassy. The funny thing started when the game told me that I have to create a "distraction" to continue. So... imagine a khajiit NAKED throwing food at the other people and tea-bagging them . After, when I figure it out what to do, I open the chest with all my arrows in it, but I forget to give Malborn my armor and a bow. And then I open my way through punching everyone in the balls . At some point I saw a case whit 2 Elven Daggers (It was a big deal at the actual level of my character) and I only have one lockpick, so It went from open a case to deactivate a bomb in my head.

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    • Though not Skyrim, This hilarious thing happened in Online.

      So I decided to pickpocket a ton of people to get some money. I pickpocket an Argonian by the beach, and I fail to do so. Instead of attacking me, him and 2 of his friends disappear. Took him a while to respawn.

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    • Someone said in a forum that Calder's sideburns "offended" him, and since Calder's my husband for my Altmeri mage, every time I see Calder I think of that comment in the forums and chuckle.

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    • once i started a new orc characte and decided to go to markarth, went into the palace and went to the jarls blacksmith, it was my first time ever in said blacksmiths shop, proceded to get attacked by thugs hired by the blacksmith specifically hired to kill me before he had ever even met me as soon as i open the door

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    • I made an Orc to be my first heavy armor melee and I end up getting a bounty that was either unpayable or didn't exist. Faendal started attacking me in Riverwood, and I couldn't pay it off with guards, as they would either not accept yields or only say "Wait, I know you..." any time I "greeted" them. I don't/can't play that character because of this.

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    • You could try stealing something in front of one of those guards or just punching them to get a small bounty, paying off that might calm them down. Something that could have caused it might be attacking the randomly spawned imperial troops you see walking around (especially around Whiterun Hold).

      Something funny... Necromancers raising a goat to attack me (one time i think Serana got to it first though).

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    • I accidentally hit my Dead Thralled Northwatch Archer with a basket from inside my house (leveling Alteration with Telekinesis), and he made such a weird moan that I burst out laughing.

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    • Well today my level 36 character Raven tried to steal a key from this guy in Ivarstead. She failed. One guard and came after me and my dog Meeko and I sheathed my weapon but the guard kept on going after Meeko and the WHOLE TOWN and me went after the guard and took him down. Meeko must be the most precious thing in the world. I laughed so hard!!!!!

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    • I was doing the "Lights Out!" side-quest, and was outside the wrecked ship. One of the bandits congratualted me on wrecking the ship. I reached down and grabbed a coin purse on the ground, and he shouts, "Get your thieving hands off that!" You're robbing a shipwreck and you accuse me of having thieving hands?

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    • I was at Autumnwatch Tower yesterday with another Altmer mage, and was battling the Dragon there. The Dragon lands, and my Glass Armor-clad Northwatch Guard pauses and then performs the Finisher Move where he mounts the Dragon's head and slices away. So, the Move is playing while I'm rolling there laughing because my husband Onmund is still shooting Lightning Bolts, my other Northwatch Guard is spraying the Dragon with Flames, and the Guard that's killing the Dragon is slicing away while shouting "Kill!"

      Something similar happened with the Altmer mage that married Calder: I had just discovered Kynesgrove when an Ancient Dragon flies in out of the sky, everybody dwindles its health, and then Roggi Knot-Beard runs out with his Iron Dagger and he does a Finisher Move on the Dragon.

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    • I've got to be the worst wife ever, because I just laugh when Onmund gets into trouble with my Northwatch Thralls.

      After one too many accidental Lightning Bolts or the tail ends of Chain Lightning, they decide enough is enough and they both attack Onmund. Of course, Onmund is not wearing any armor, so he yields pretty quickly, but this does not satisfy my Thralls, who will attack him 6+ times until they feel he's bled enough.

      Sometimes, Onmund realizes he's loosing, and will scream in terror as he's running away and the Thralls are shouting "Kill!" and "You...must...die!" and all I do is run after them laughing the whole way.

      Like I said: worst wife ever.

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    • Doing "Reunification of Skyrim". Conquered the Pale. 

      Returned to Tullius.

      Congratulates me, says I deserve to have a new sword.

      Gives me a Dragonplate SHIELD.

      l :l :l :l XD
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    • I wanted to end the war, so I head into Eastmarch. I go up to Ulfric Stormcloak and magic him. He shouts me apart, just like Torygg.

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    • One time, I gave that homeless drunk beggar in Whiterun, I forgot his name, something, like a drink or something, and then he ran off and screamed I surrender!

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    • One time, I was caught stealing a gem by a whiterun guard. I decided to pay off the bounty and before he could take me, I swung at him, and the game kind of froze. When I got back in, the guards were hostile.

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    • I found a way onto the roof of Riftweald Manor, and onto the back porch, where I picked the lock and subsequently stole everything of value in the place.

      I couldn't help but notice that Honeyside is a better dig than what Mercer Frey has. You'd think that the leader of the Thieves Guild could come up with better decorations.

      He'll be so pissed when he comes back to his house and finds his guards dead and his stuff gone! Hehehe! Who needs a Guild of thieves when you're better than them?

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    • Got a mission from Gunmar to kill a vampire in Solitude. 

      Arrived in Solitude. Located vampire. 

      Target was immediately attacked and killed by another vampire, which then killed a guard..

      Reaction: ROFL.

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    • I put Cicero in full Glass Armor, and then he started to sing and do a jig.

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    • Playing as vampire, get attacked by vampires and they say to me: Burn it! Burn the vampire. This was my reaction,

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    • So one time I was bored in Whiterun and I decided to go to Dragonsreach. I said to myself "Hey it would be fun to jump up on these steep rocks and shoot the guy who is always preaching about Talos with a steel arrow. So I go into sneak and shoot him once, he screams and runs up to Jorrvaskr and cries "Help! I'm being attacked!". Nobody cares. So he walks back down and starts preaching about Talos again, so I shoot him again with another steel arrow. The guards freak out and run up to Jorrvaskr and start blaming the Companions. Then, Eorlund Gray-Mane comes rushing down from the Skyforge with a Steel Greatsword and attacks the guards and all heck breaks loose. The guards turn hostile even though I have 0 bounty, and Aela the Huntress comes out and starts attacking the guards too. I just start running around while like 10 guards are shooting arrows at me until I eventually die xD.

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    • i had always wondered which was more powerful, a giant or a dragon. i figured it was a dragon until i was walking near a cave and saw 2 red dots, i looked up and there was a dragon and a giant. the giant started bashing its club over the dragons head until it was dead, i was relived ... ... until it looked at me!

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    • 1: I was walking to Cragslane Cave, From Shor's Watchtower, and I came across 2 pairs of fur boots, Floating above the road.

      2:I was in Solitude, and I was walking to see the jarl, and a vampire with two deathhounds the guards attacked him ASAP, and he killed 3 citizens, and I walked into the palace, and noticed the court wizard was a vampire, and they don't know she's one, but they know instantly if someone else is?

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    • Arniel Gane fistfighting dragons :P

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    • Kiadony wrote:
      Arniel Gane fistfighting dragons :P

      Don't judge me, I do that too.

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    • Once i was walking along the shores near windhelm and if you made it atleast halfway through the compainians you know Skjor dies, well I saw Rai Stonearm and Alea The huntress along with a stuck in the ground only shoulders and head Skjor and Kodlak, (I'm the leader of the compainians), but I thought it was strange because Kodlak doesn't usually "Hunt" But then it hit me, Wow I thought man how could I let Skjor and Kodlak get off the hook if they only have Heads and shoulders It was so funny watching them run in circles just limb and dead!?!

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    • Once i was walking along the shores near windhelm and if you made it atleast halfway through the compainians you know Skjor dies, well I saw Rai Stonearm and Alea The huntress along with a stuck in the ground only shoulders and head Skjor and Kodlak, (I'm the leader of the compainians), but I thought it was strange because Kodlak doesn't usually "Hunt" But then it hit me, Wow I thought man how could I let Skjor and Kodlak get off the hook if they only have Heads and shoulders It was so funny watching them run in circles just limb and dead!?!

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    • The Reincarnation Of Akatosh wrote: Don't judge me, I do that too.

      But you probably don't run away begging for mercy upon taking damage.

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    • I would if I thought I could kill the ebony warrior that way, Though, I luckily had weapons.

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    • We've all seen draugr get killed by their own traps, but I've had one who did it in a very creative way. I was in a dungeon, I think it might have been Forelhost. There was a set of stairs with a trap tile, and on top of the stairs there was a log trap to kill you if you activate the trap tile and don't stop on time. So there's this Draugr Deathlord standing on top of the stairs, and of course he FUS RO DAHs me. It does zilch to me because of my 80% magic absorption, and the next thing I see is the Deathlord, now very much a Deadlord, tumbling down the stairs. It took me a while to process what happened: as it turns out, the Deathlord's shout hit the button down the stairs and pushed it, causing the log trap to spring on him and kill him. Smoothly done, Deathlord. Smoothly done.

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    • 74.98.229.75 wrote:
      I made an Orc to be my first heavy armor melee and I end up getting a bounty that was either unpayable or didn't exist. Faendal started attacking me in Riverwood, and I couldn't pay it off with guards, as they would either not accept yields or only say "Wait, I know you..." any time I "greeted" them. I don't/can't play that character because of this.


      This happened to my vampire lady main. While going to Volkihar Castle I was attacked by some Dawnguards in the watchtower nearby. Back then I didn't know it, but due to a glitch, attacking those particular Dawnguards before they can hit you results in a "ghost" Whiterun bounty. Now all the guards in Whiterun constantly say "Wait, I know you" to me, and I sometimes get Bounty Collectors sent after me, but I can walk around Whiterun just fine without being arrested. I think you can fix this issue by getting a new bounty, and then when the guards ask you to pay it off the "ghost" bounty total will be added to it. But to be honest I don't feel like paying 1000 gold and have all my stolen stuff confiscated. Who cares about the repetitive guards, anyways every single NPC just tells me "be careful with that magic" because I have a Dead Thrall. Besides, Bounty Collectors drop Nordic Armor, which is pretty expensive =)

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    • The Reincarnation Of Akatosh wrote:
      1: I was walking to Cragslane Cave, From Shor's Watchtower, and I came across 2 pairs of fur boots, Floating above the road.

      2:I was in Solitude, and I was walking to see the jarl, and a vampire with two deathhounds the guards attacked him ASAP, and he killed 3 citizens, and I walked into the palace, and noticed the court wizard was a vampire, and they don't know she's one, but they know instantly if someone else is?

      Might have something to do with the oh so subtle fact that the vampires were bazzenly attacking people in the middle of the streets, while the court wizard did so in private?

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    • I mistyped, That was another time, I meant one of the Travelers

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    • Me and Whiterun Guards kill a dragon

      I run up, "Great job guys! Now ima just take the scales and bones to sell and be on my way!"

      A guard that was there, also killing the dragon says: "My cousin is off killing dragons, and what do I get? Guard duty.

      Me: "And you almost passed kindergarden Gary, you almost passed."

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    • I finished the Battle for Windhelm, and later, when I come back to buy Hjerim, I walk by Skald, who is at the dinner table, and he's ranting and raving and Jod, his steward, just tells me that he's glad that he doesn't have that much to worry about anymore, then gets up, walks over to Galmar's body, and says "Poor bastard is better off."

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    • Recently returned to the game and as I was walking to Whiterun from Riverwood, there was a Giant just casually hanging out. Knowing that there was a bunch of Companions that were killing a Giant of their own at this very moment, I saved the game, shot the Giant with an arrow and then ran to where the Companions were, expecting that they would then help me to kill said Giant.

      Well, that's not what happened at all.

      Instead, when I ran through the gathering of Companions with a Giant hot on my heals, the Companions scattered to the four winds and I was now a level 2 (or was a 3?) character with a Giant chasing me down.

      The funny part happend much later when I returned to Whiterun san-Giant and encountered the Companions once again, still standing over the corpse of the Giant they killed, and spoke with Aela the Huntress. She complained that I didn't help, and I said I thought she looked like she could handle it, and she responded with...

      "A true warrior would relish the opportunity to defeat a Giant". (or words to that effect)

      BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

      I cannot take the Companions seriously anymore!
      I laughed my arse off!

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    • I saw a frozen giant (Not frozen but bugged) standing next to 2 random Kjhat and not attacking them or even moving. Well of course I just had to butt in. I fus ro dah'd it and it got back up and stood there, still. So I shot it, then it got pissed and killed me. :/

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    • I was walking along a road to Solitude with one of my "eye candy male Altmer" characters (hey, don't judge), and a Thalmor group with prisoner in tow spawn ahead of me. I run past to an abandoned wagon with one of those knapsacks in the back, and as I've finished rummaging through the pack for the jewelry and potion, I found that the whole group has stopped and are staring at me. One of the Justiciars says at this point "He's picking through the trash. He has no common sense." I could not help but find this funny.

      Then, I continued to follow them, and they do not go to the Embassy, but rather straight to Solitude, but only the Justiciar mage appears in the town after they had all used the gate, and he marches right to Castle Dour and begins a staring contest with the Imperial guards at the door, eliciting more laughs from me.

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    • This may not sound funny but i thought it was.

      After about halfway through the Dawnguard questline (i joined the Dawnguard), i was fast traveling to someplace i already discovered for the quest. I was so not prepared for what happened next: when my screen loaded all i saw was the butt crack of Shadowmere and he just stood there :/ :P

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    • It went something like this;

      Markarth Guard:You should sell that junk.

      Me:*takes off Orcish Armor, exposing my, well, junk*

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    • This thread has some pretty hillarious stuff relating to spouses cheating on you. I had a good laugh reading about various people's experiences and how they dealt with them.

      Mmmm... Sweet Rolls... 

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    • Flying mammoths. Nuff' said.

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    • I was in Falkreath with another "eye candy" Altmer character, where I was smithing my first set of Elven Armor, some of those Hired Thugs show up, and so I'm fighting them in the confines of the smithing area of Lod's place (which was really dangerous, because he was right there using the Grindstone, one stray greatsword swing and there would have been a bounty), kill them while the guards are shouting "My money's on the big one!" and Lod is watching from the Grindstone. After looting them, and as I'm going to sell the loot to Lod, his opening dialogue is "Only a hearty soul travels the roads these days."

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    • Invisible dragon attack.

      I was wandering around Eastmarch when I heard the dragon fly overhead and heard the battle music start. I look around, nothing. Then I get hit by fire breath out of nowhere, still can't see anything. Then I see the "enemy" marker on my compass in front of me and see the fire appear out of thin air. 

      Eventually it lands, I killed it, and THEN the body appears out of nowhere.

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    • Kebab Removal Unit wrote:
      It went something like this;

      Markarth Guard:You should sell that junk.

      Me:*takes off Orcish Armor, exposing my, well, junk*

      Cue Aerosmith,  Walk this way...  But I was going to sell enchanted armor that I was wearing, and I was walking out of Dragonsreach Naked except for a loincloth, and the maids kept shouting "You're naked!" And I just burst out laughing because I was commanding My companion and Hit A to talk to the maid, and J'zargo just destroyed the maid with a master spell.

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    • Kebab Removal Unit wrote:
      It went something like this;

      Markarth Guard:You should sell that junk.

      Me:*takes off Orcish Armor, exposing my, well, junk*

      Cue Aerosmith,  Walk this way...  But I was going to sell enchanted armor that I was wearing, and I was walking out of Dragonsreach Naked except for a loincloth, and the maids kept shouting "You're naked!" And I just burst out laughing because I was commanding My companion and Hit A to talk to the maid, and J'zargo just destroyed the maid with a master spell.

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    • A dragon attacked Falkreath. I used Marked For Death + barrage of arrows to take him down and after I absorbed his soul, a guard told me to stop shouting because it is making people nervous. A dragon attacked the town some minutes ago and people are nervous not because of the dragon but because of my shout? I think people are more afraid of the Dragonborn than the dragons.

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    • Has anyone noticed the letter (Until Next Time ) written to Haelga by her Secret Lover? It's on the counter of Haelga's Bunkhouse.

      Sweet Helga,
      Last night was the most wonderful night of my life. The things you showed me... the things we did... I could never have dreamt that it was possible. Who even knew that someone could manipulate their body in that manner while wearing Daedric armor boots? You are a true master of the Dibellan Arts, my love... a credit to your religion. Perhaps we'll meet again soon but next time, allow me to bring the trout.
      Your Secret Lover

      I maneuvered our punch up to go into her bedroom behind the counter. And while I snickered at the leather straps that were lying about her bed, I was disappointed to see that there were no Daedric Boots.

      But my mind still boggled at what she did with the trout! 😳😆

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    • Its one of those things that you try not to think about because you won't get the image out of your head.

      I was bummed about not finding Daedric Boots, however.

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    • I just got to Markarth with the same character and a guard approaches to say something to the effect of "You sure you can use that greatsword? Its kind of big." I thought "I have 58 skill. What do you think?" Then, inside Understone Keep, I'm walking to Moth's forge and I realize that everyone there is staring at me. The guards, the dogs, Ondolemar and friends (when they usually ignore me) and Moth's sister and her apprentice. What? I didn't think an Altmer with a two-handed weapon looked that outrageous, just plain badass. Everyone else apparently thinks differently, though.

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    • I fast travelled to Understone Keep, and I see at least 20 Markarth Guards all in a cluster on the stairs. Naturally, I use Unrelenting Force to blast them all down, admiring the ragdoll physics as they tumble down.

      On a previous character I killed a dragon in Solitude, it died right before the front gate. For some reason its body never disappeared, but given the angle it was facing... every time I fast travelled into Solitude I was greeted by the dragon's ass right in front of me. 

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    • Random encounter hunters spawning with their dogs and all they do is stare at the dog and shout "Stupid dog."

      I killed a standing Draugr in Bleak Falls Barrow with a sneak arrow to the face, he dies, his weapon flies off his back at lightspeed, hits the Draugr standing in an alcove on the other side of the room, and the impact kills that Draugr.

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    • Draevan13 wrote: I fast travelled to Understone Keep, and I see at least 20 Markarth Guards all in a cluster on the stairs.

      Happens to me all the time. It even causes the game to lag. I also get Falkreath guards spawn in huge groups near the gate every time.

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    • I made a character modeled after a Lord of the Rings character, Elrohir. I wanted the Blades Armor for him to wear, so I was running through the main questline to get it and doing the Diplomatic Immunity quest and gave Malborn my Iron Arrows. However, when the trade screen exited, I still had the quiver attached to my back, though I had no arrows in my inventory. I got to the party and I still had the "arrows" strapped to my character's back. I went through the whole party wearing Party Clothes and a quiver of Iron Arrows. It finally came off when I got my stuff in the kitchen and "unequipped" the arrows which the game said were still "equipped" though they totally weren't. I'll let you imagine how funny that looked.

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    • Whenever you get an epic killcam and an arrow is stuck in your character's eye (or anywhere equally awkward).

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    • Kiadony wrote:
      Whenever you get an epic killcam and an arrow is stuck in your character's eye (or anywhere equally awkward).

      It is even more awkward in fallout 4... I got hit with a railway spike, and My health was low so I died and it does a killcam on you,  My leg was tore off and landed in the wall, and I was shot again for no reason... My body awkwardly got bugged and flew into the ceiling.

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    • ^Lol XD

      But, what I meant was getting a killcam where you kill someone, before the arrows stuck in you disappear.

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    • So i had just started a new character and at level 1 i go to solitude. I decide im gonna try to stop the execution. So armed with my iron greatsword, steel armor, iron boots, imperial helmet, and hide gauntlets, i go up the steps. Somehow i manage to kill like 12 gaurds and i get to the Blue Palace. After killing 5 more gaurds right inside the entrance to the palace, i walk up to Elisif, press the talk button, and all she says is "please do not disrupt this court" xD a little bit late if you ask me

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    • I had a Stormcloak guard in Markarth say: "This truce with the Stormcloaks won't last a fortnight. Bloody savages will kill us while we sleep."

      Also, Hroar's pet mudcrab climbed into the cooking pot.

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    • My latest character, Legolas, had an arrow going through his midriff for three levels straight before it finally vanished. I've also had with other characters ice spikes stuck in their legs and such, and with a "frosty aura" to go along with it. The aura was cool-looking, though I could have gone without the ice spike stuck through my leg. Then there was the time recently with another character that had an orcish arrow sticking out of his groin for two levels. It kinda ruins the third-person experience, you know?

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    • ^Odd, I've never had arrows stuck in my characters for that long. On the other hand, they've had blood stains that refused to go away.

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    • Arrows and ice spikes and spears like to stick around with me. I must have a really magnetic personality.

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    • Leea wrote:
      Arrows and ice spikes and spears like to stick around with me. I must have a really magnetic personality.

      You stole Data's famous line. 

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    • I was going through some dead guy's pack by the side of the road with another "Eye Candy" Altmer, and a Thalmor patrol goes by and the female guard sort of turns to the male guard and says "Is he...sifting through the trash?"

      Then, later, I'm going through a dead Khajiit caravan on the side of the road in The Rift and a Stormcloak patrol walks by and they all ask each other "Why is he sorting through the trash?"

      And afterwards, I'm in fort Greymoor killing bandits and I'm sneaking in the dining room area, take an arrow I had shot into a bandit from his inventory, a bandit runs up from the basement, says "I hope nobody will miss that..." and walks off.

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    • Just had a funny one while playing, I was going to kill a random NPC as part of "The Dark Brotherhood Forever" when the target says to me "I'm dying for a rest!"

      ...

      Funny you should say that!

      -stab-

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    • ^Above was me, wasn't logged in.

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    • I was also touched by the LOL spirit during the looting of Haelga's Bunkhouse, even if no nifty boots could be found.  Loved the manacles built into the wall over the bed!  You can open and close them.  :)


      Then running up to Dragonsreach I pass a guard by the Gildergreen;

      "Kodlak Whitemane is in a better place now"

      Perfectly timed input on the subject by Heimskr:

      "WriiiiiIIIiiiiithing in the FILTH of our own corruption!"


      xD

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    • Okay, so one time I was in the tomb of the Greybeard master, Jurgen Windfall and do a finishing move on a draugr. It collapses but a second later it rockets at full speed through the gap between my legs and slams into the wall. My lungs hurt now from laughing so hard.

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    • I was walking around the northern coastline (between Windhelm and Winterhold) with a low-level character, naturally trying to not get into fights with tougher enemies, when I saw a snowy sabre cat fighting some people in the distance. It was dark, and I thought they were just some bandits. The cat seemingly killed them, and I finished it off, but then it turned out that the "bandits" were Vilkas and Ria... crawling on their knees, screaming, "We are routed, fall back!" and all that. Too much for fearless Companions, huh? Not hysterically funny, sure, but I still giggled.

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    • I was doing "Battle for Solitude" and Ulfric and Galmar were essential, and I was trapped in windhelm. I quickly turned it into the lovely game of "Who can survive Volendrunng to the face?" I have no idea how to fix it.

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    • ^You must mean Battle for Windhelm, because that's where you have to kill Ulfric and Galmar. You should reload the save from before you entered Windhelm. I always make a save like this just in case something weird happens that I can't fix otherwise.

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    • I was walking on the road and encountered the Revelers, though they were standing around in their loincloths.

      Sanguine would be proud.

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    • Leea wrote:
      ^You must mean Battle for Windhelm, because that's where you have to kill Ulfric and Galmar. You should reload the save from before you entered Windhelm. I always make a save like this just in case something weird happens that I can't fix otherwise.

      Tried, still happened, just reloaded my Stormcloak playthrough. New thing happened today. I was hunting dragons with the Blades, and all of a sudden, I see a dragon, and it had fire breath, and instead of shouting though the Mouth, it decided to shout from another area. Then, I was talking to Paarthunax, and all of a sudden, he just flies into the sky, and leaves the conversation, He just kept going upwards. 

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    • Then you might have to load a save from before you ever got the quest.

      I know I had trouble as a werewolf: if I transformed, even though they're supposed to be on your side, the Imperial Soldiers went hostile, so I had to deal with both the Stormcloaks and Imperials. This created too many enemies in one area, so the game kept freezing whenever I tried it.

      I had to learn the hard way, so you may have to load a save from before obtaining the quest, or find out something that you may be doing that the game doesn't like (and there are, unfortunately, plenty of those).

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    • Oh, the funniest thing I've seen...

      Either killing Grelod The Kind and a child said HAHAHA, GRELOD THE KIND IS DEAD! or....

      ....killing Lydia and getting gold....

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    • When starting a new game,

      the cart I was in went faster, and we crashed into a house.

      It's true.

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    • It all began when my beautiful Hist Mage Akiresh left Breezehome to level up Alteration by casting Detect Life on the population when suddenly she was attacked by a Master Vampire and 2 Vampire Thralls. Adrianne and Amren picked up a fight against them and both were killed (may the Ideal Masters feast on their souls because I have no pity for motherhorkers who love to be heroes), so I left their bodies to rot and level up Alteration to 100. When I’m done, for my surprise I found some people mourning near Amren’s corpse. But the funny part is when Idolaf Battle-Born looked at the corpse and said “poor bastard is better off”. I even took a screenshot to demosntrate that images speak louder than words.

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    • I was trading with Ri'saad when one of the female Khajiit with his caravan went over to the campfire near his tent and her tail just started to float horizontally away from her body and she was standing there like nothing was wrong. Her tail just continued to float there (complete with "idle" tail animations) until she went to chop firewood.

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    • This one time, I was fighting a giant. I used my ice form shout as it was charging towards me, and it struck an odd pose, flew right over my character's head, and sailed into a river. It scared me for a split second, but when I recovered, I laughed so hard! It was so funny that I tried again with a different giant!

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    • Marcurio shouting "Burn the vampire!" during fights... When the only vampire is my character ._.

      Also, the kid in Solitude playing tag alone (because the others got sent to the orphanage). Kind of sad, really.

      Finally, getting a letter from the Jarl of Falkreath offering me to become a Thane... When all I did was going around slaughtering NPCs...

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    • Get home to WIndstad Manor and find the usual Nordic Carved Armor delivery service, er, bandit raid.  Busting heads in the garden among the Blue and Red Mountain Flowers I turn and smack Valdimar my house carl by mistake.  One more whack takes out the last bandit and I stand over Valdimar grief stricken.  Sonir was already taken by a prior incarnation of these bandits (spawned _inside_ the Manor ferchrissakes) and I was loathe to have the Manor be completely silent.  Reaching for the button to load a prior save when the Courier pops into the garden with news of my inheritance from Valdimar.  No more than 20 seconds from death-blow to letter of inheritance.  Whatever my feelings on the matter, ya just don't ignore a Sign like that.  Buh-bye Validimar!   

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    • I went into Bleak Falls Barrow as an Illusion-based Argonian mage and I get to the room where Arvel is stuck in the cobweb and the giant Frostbite spider comes down and I hit it with Calm and then a few seconds later Fury and the spider attacks Arvel (I thought I'd get lucky and the spider would kill him for me) and Arvel drops out of the cobwebs without damaging them and attacks the spider. Needless to say, my plan didn't work, because Arvel didn't kill the spider and as soon as Fury wore off, the spider came at me again.

      So I killed it, went to talk to Arvel, and he says I have to cut him down, saying "Does it look like I can move?" when he'd been running around to room fighting the spider a few seconds before. I'm thinking at this point I can just kill him where he's standing (near where the spider originally drops from the ceiling) but my spells and claws don't make contact. It's as if he isn't there. So I go cut the cobwebs and he gets "loose," though on the other side of the room, and I can finally kill him.

      Don't use Illusion on the spider!

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    • The link below is a website that chronicles the story of a man's quest to adopt Meeko. It is hillarious! 😄

      http://www.dorkly.com/post/77715/this-guy-tweeted-his-epic-skyrim-journey-to-save-his-dog

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    • Was in the Jorrvaskr Living Quarters looking around for loot and I found Skjor's dead body inside one of the rooms, with his legs and body completely seperate. I just laughed.

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    • I tried to get into the Thalmor Embassy with one of my High Elven men before "Diplomatic Immunity," and so I picked a rock close to the wall, took a running jump, landed on the wall face to face with a guard on the other side, and slowly slid down the wall (damn invisible barriers) with him watching me go all the way down, with him no doubt thinking "I don't think the 'Dragonborn' is living up to the hype."

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    • ^ That reminds me of the speedruns I watched. At least one of them had a naked Altmer male (since Altmer are the fastest and no clothes = also more speed), and he used all kinds of glitches to get to where he wasn't supposed to be.

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    • Well, I wish I could use one of those myself, because I also tried to get back in with an Altmer that went all the way to the quest Alduin's Wall and everybody got mad at the Embassy when I tried to use Whirlwind Sprint to get past the barriers (also didn't work), but the guards on the other side of the building went through the door to attack me and I couldn't get in no matter how hard I tried. Wasted a half hour right there.

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    • Well, they used a bucket to get through walls, which I think works on all platforms (since it's a game physics glitch, not a console command cheat). It just takes practice to "master", I myself never bothered.

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    • Well, I finally got in with the same Altmer, and used a lot of wood plates in the process. Once there, everyone who was just fine with me standing at the gates now hated my guts, and the only thing that made the whole excursion noteworthy was that I got to beat the crap out of Elenwen, whom I've always hated.

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    • Every time this happens :P

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    • My Nord mage was walking around Understone Keep in her underwear, and was making everyone blush and comment about it. However, although his soldiers had negative comments, Ondolemar said nothing. Was he actually considering...?

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    • Yanno when Nazeem, or "King of Cloud District" as I like to call him, ever brings that dreadful place up, he gets a hello from my Unrelenting Force shout which has all 3 words learned. Poor, poor Nazeem.

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    • Yeah, well... Today I was stumbling around Skyrim's wilderness in the middle of the night and basically crashed into Karthspire, and the Forsworn there started yelling "Somebody do something!" as I charged past (being a mere level 8 glass canon mage). I later ran up to some bandit camp with a ton of Forsworn on my tail, and jumped off a cliff while the Forsworn killed the bandits. When the dust settled, Vorstag said something like, "Bandits are cowards, but these ones were brave". At least, definitely braver than me >.>

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    • Kiadony wrote: Yeah, well... Today I was stumbling around Skyrim's wilderness in the middle of the night and basically crashed into Karthspire, and the Forsworn there started yelling "Somebody do something!" as I charged past (being a mere level 8 glass canon mage). I later ran up to some bandit camp with a ton of Forsworn on my tail, and jumped off a cliff while the Forsworn killed the bandits. When the dust settled, Vorstag said something like, "Bandits are cowards, but these ones were brave". At least, definitely braver than me >.>

      Lol I love letting enemies kill each other, very entertaining to watch 😂

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    • Madeoflove89 wrote:
      Oh, the funniest thing I've seen...

      Either killing Grelod The Kind and a child said HAHAHA, GRELOD THE KIND IS DEAD! or....

      ....killing Lydia and getting gold....

      On the Dark Brotherhood Mission: Contract: Kill Anoriath, I said I'm the predator, you're the prey and got him attacking me, then let the guards do my work! Genius!

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    • I have a new character, a beautiful Orc maiden who is a master of sneaking, assassinations, as well as getting started with pickpocketing. I attacked a Bandit who also happened to be an Orc, but he turned around at the wrong moment and saw me, so he pulled his weapon and yelled "Die, Orc filth!"

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    • Just before I start talking here I need to warn you that there is SPOILER alert in here!

      Well,I had 2 funny moments with Skjor which occured after after his death:

      After Skjor died and after I finished every Companions quest,I have completely forgot about them and after one in game year I went back to visit on my old friends to see how are they doing after the loss of Skjor and Kodlak.Everyone talked about them how both of them were great warriors and shield brothers and things like that.Anyway I stayed at the Companions for at least a day,in the morning I packed my stuff and as I went outside the most unexpected thing occured,Skjor was legit half stuck in the ground and sliding across it like its made out of ice! Now,as that wasnt enough,he started to descend into the ground before my very own eyes.As soon as I saw that I just burst out laughing and telling myself:"Well,at least I know Skjor can still visit us from Sovngarde" XD

      The second one was kinda creepy as the same thing happened.This time I visited the Companions again but as soon I entered,everyone started to act crazy.At first I thought they had another party day before my arrival,but it wasnt,sadly.Aela and Vilkas started talking about Skjor which was very odd beacuse they never talked about him so much since he died but I thought it was OK.As the night was settling down and as I was preparing to go,suddenly I hear a familiar voice behind me,I slowly turn around and there he was!Skjor was sitting behind me and drinking ale being totally oblivious that he returned back to the living! I wanted to see if I had to much mead so I approached him and the first thing he says is:"This had better be important" After that I made sure he stays dead (yep,you know what I did) as he was before, beacuse I dont want to see his head again coming out of the ground as if someone buried him in a sand hole at a beach! XD 

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    • I was walking along the road with a new Altmer character by the massacred Talos Shrine near Helgen when a Thalmor patrol appeared and walked in front of me. I followed them, thinking that when they get killed by the forest denizens, I'll get some good stuff early in the game. Well, soon after I started to follow them one of those thieves that spawns by the road comes up and tries to rob what little I have, so I start roasting him with Flames as soon as he approaches. While all this is going on, the Thalmor stop and stand there watching, cheering (!!) and shouting things like "My money's on the big one!" and afterwards, one of the soldiers comes up and pats the dead thief, then walks off.

      I guess it alleviated some of the boredom of their trek.

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    • I play Skyrim PC, (And hopefully I'm not the only person who basically just cheats their way through the game) and was going on a werewolf rampage in Windhelm with TGM on (Toggle God Mode) so I couldn't die. I knocked Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak to the ground, but he glitched, and got stuck in the laying down position. It was the most hilarious thing to have Jarl Ulfric sliding around on the ground like it was ice, yelling at you throughout Windhelm.

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    • Also, I once pickpocketed every guard standing in, or around Whiterun so that they were all naked, racked up my bounty so that they would all chase after me, and started Skyrim's first Naked Mile!

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    • I called Odaviing to Whiterun for the quest, then as Odahviing flew by once, he killed a guard with his wing, and the guard's body flew into the sky, and fell over the edge of the balcony, onto the ground below.

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    • I have three Altmer who are weapons specialists; two with one-handed, and one with two-handed. I unlocked the perk where you can sprint and leap down on an enemy with all of the characters, and now when I use the perk against someone, even an enemy, they say stuff every so often, like "Hey, watch where you swing that." and "Knock it off!" even though they just got killed.

      A Forsworn attacked one of said Altmer characters and she yelled "I'll try and make this quick!" and just at that moment I got a kill camera and his sword went through her neck and her head rolled off the cliff.

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    • Spockrates wrote: LOL!  You should start leaving an apple as a calling card every time you steal from a shop!


      8-)

      I'm gonna try that

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    • As for my favourite thing that has happened I'd say it was when that dragon in "at the summit of apocrypha" when Miraak killed him while I was on him and I fell on the ground and fell on my floor in real life and laughed my face off...but I paused it while I laughed by accident

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    • I was leading two giants around the outside of Whiterun, watching them send people flying into space, with no intention of saving. Then, I went toward the guard tower where you fight your first dragon (the name eludes me at the moment.) I was watching one of the giants kill the last guard, and didn't notice the other giant behind me. He hit me with his club, and, nearly dead, I ran into the tower itself. I was a warrior, without sufficient magicka or health potions to heal me, and there was no way I'd be able to take both giants without full health. The giants couldn't fit through the doorway, but they weren't leaving. I was trapped.

      Then I saw someone start attacking the giant farthest from the door. It was dark, so I couldn't see who it was, but I assumed that I had miscounted, that it was a guard who had escaped the giants. I watched the person kill the first giant. Then the second giant, the one who was blocking the doorway, turned and fought him. I ran out the door, not expecting to get a second chance. The person was nearly killed by the giant, but used a health potion and kept fighting. Finally, they killed the giant, and sheathed their weapon. I approached the person, only to find out that it was Erik the Slayer! I had dismissed him shortly before, and evidently he was at the tower because it was on his way back to Rorikstead. He turns away from one of the two giants he had just killed, looks at me, and says "I sure could use some more experience in the field. I'd be happy to join you again, and it won't cost you a thing." I nearly died laughing. I almost saved it, but too many people had died. Still, I enchanted Erik's sword and renamed it Giant Slayer. Erik is now one of my favorite followers.

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    • I was playing the main quest where you have to go to the Hall of Valor near the end of the main quest. I got to the bridge where you have to fight Tsun to get into the Hall of Valor. Right away when the fight starts I used the Ice Form shout. Instead of just freezing, Tsun was frozen and thrown in the air spinning very quickly. He went flying in the air of into the distance until i couldn't see him anymore. I didn't know where he went to so I just crossed the bridge anyway. When I left the Hall of Valor to fight Alduin, Tsun was just outside again like nothing happened. It was hilarious.

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    • Wispful wrote:
      I play Skyrim PC, (And hopefully I'm not the only person who basically just cheats their way through the game) and was going on a werewolf rampage in Windhelm with TGM on (Toggle God Mode) so I couldn't die. I knocked Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak to the ground, but he glitched, and got stuck in the laying down position. It was the most hilarious thing to have Jarl Ulfric sliding around on the ground like it was ice, yelling at you throughout Windhelm.

      My god that was hilarious! XD I

      I killed Ulfric and his bodyguard a long time ago in the game.One day I went to Windhelm to see what is going on.I went to the castle and there they were,both of them,Ulfirc and his bodyguard in a sexy position (if you know what I mean) but the bodyguard was headless so it was more disturbing than anything.Anyway at first I was wondering why didnt they disappear like the usual dead NPCs do but then I went and striped them totally and like that was not enough the exiled members of the stormcloak rebellion started to interact with their dead king.Unmid Snow-Skod was inspecting them,Jarl Laila Law-Giver was saying how she will find anyone who did that and then her steward appears out of nowhere and says while looking at the sexy positioned bodies:"I hope the wilds claim you one of these days" I just lost it there! XD

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    • 178.209.14.85 wrote:
      Wispful wrote:
      I play Skyrim PC, (And hopefully I'm not the only person who basically just cheats their way through the game) and was going on a werewolf rampage in Windhelm with TGM on (Toggle God Mode) so I couldn't die. I knocked Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak to the ground, but he glitched, and got stuck in the laying down position. It was the most hilarious thing to have Jarl Ulfric sliding around on the ground like it was ice, yelling at you throughout Windhelm.
      My god that was hilarious! XD I

      I killed Ulfric and his bodyguard a long time ago in the game.One day I went to Windhelm to see what is going on.I went to the castle and there they were,both of them,Ulfirc and his bodyguard in a sexy position (if you know what I mean) but the bodyguard was headless so it was more disturbing than anything.Anyway at first I was wondering why didnt they disappear like the usual dead NPCs do but then I went and striped them totally and like that was not enough the exiled members of the stormcloak rebellion started to interact with their dead king.Unmid Snow-Skod was inspecting them,Jarl Laila Law-Giver was saying how she will find anyone who did that and then her steward appears out of nowhere and says while looking at the sexy positioned bodies:"I hope the wilds claim you one of these days" I just lost it there! XD

      This is my message just in case you wanted to reply to this "Wiki contributor"...for some odd reason I didnt have access to my account -.-

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    • I fought and killed an invisible Khajjit.

      (no he didn't have the invisibility spell his entire character model was completely invisible even while he was attacking me)


      I walked into the room of the master illusionist (can't remember his name) and he was surprised that I could see him, the reason this is funny is because you would think the matser class illusionist would have mastered the adept level invisiblity spell.

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    • Dovahmasters wrote: I fought and killed an invisible Khajjit.

      (no he didn't have the invisibility spell his entire character model was completely invisible even while he was attacking me)


      I walked into the room of the master illusionist (can't remember his name) and he was surprised that I could see him, the reason this is funny is because you would think the matser class illusionist would have mastered the adept level invisiblity spell.


      Well when you ask him what are the best illusion spells he says that invisibility is tricky to master

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    • I recently attempted to clear out Robber's Gorge, with the Bandit Chief typically being my last enemy. As he was down to 5% health, he decided to flee instead. I didn't engage in pursuit at first, but when I finally decided to chase him down to finish him off with my sword, he ended up running into one of the many bear traps set in and around the camp, instantly killing him.

      So I just stopped and thought, "Well, shit I guess that works too :P"

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    • A regular Skyrim player wrote:
      Dovahmasters wrote:

      I fought and killed an invisible Khajjit.

      (no he didn't have the invisibility spell his entire character model was completely invisible even while he was attacking me)


      I walked into the room of the master illusionist (can't remember his name) and he was surprised that I could see him, the reason this is funny is because you would think the matser class illusionist would have mastered the adept level invisiblity spell.


      Well when you ask him what are the best illusion spells he says that invisibility is tricky to master

      doesn't change the fact that a master class illusionist being incapable of using an adept illusion spell is just embarrassing.

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    • An adventure all in one day with a Khajiiti character:

      • I killed Sapphire in Riften while she was on the bridge talking to the Redguard kid and nobody cared, other than Maul and Brynjolf. Stenvar took care of Maul (though only temporary, as he's essential), but I couldn't attack Brynjolf, so he was slashing away with two daggers while none of my strikes made contact. Kind of funny, but at the same time not (he was killing me but I couldn't do anything about it), so I had to reload and kill Sapphire in the Bee and Barb, where everybody hid in a corner ("Gods, its a fight!), but when she was dead they all came over and said, "Gods, what happened?"
      • Just getting married to Perth, and we exit the Temple together and when we're standing on the doorstep, he turns to me and says, "Hello my love! Back from some adventure, I bet!"
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    • The funniest thing happened to me today. I killed a saber cat while it was pouncing and it flew all the way through two trees that looked like goal posts and I laughed so hard I almost cried. A few moments later I killed a master mecromancer and he did a twirl and died.

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    • A few days ago I started a Breton thief of the 360. I joined the guild and power-quested through it.

      The story starts just after becoming a Nightingale. I need to get to Irkngthand to knife a bitch. The closest location I could fast-travel to was Whiterun, just southwest. Guess what's just southwest of Irkngthand, and northeast of Whiterun? Shearpoint! Famous for a Dragon/Priest duo so difficult, they named the Dragon Priest "sorry". When I was Level 12. I had left my horse a short distance away, anticipating the dragon, but I had only heard about Krosis the day prior (so, upon hearing the name, I decided to get the fuck up out of there). I sprinted back to my horse, on the other side of a massive valley, and charged straight through Shearpoint into Irkngthand, with the dragon chasing me the entire time, frantically fighting through waves of bandits to enter the Dwemer ruin. As soon as I did that, health dwindling, a Dwarven Sphere charged me. I (and my Breton, apparently) was so incredibly fed up with this bullshit that I whipped out my soul-devouring warhammer and brutally OHKO'd the construct. Then, I traveled the sprawling ruin (cussing out a reload-inducing Falmer shaman along the way), and ended up blowing through my massive stash of healing items because somebody spent half the dungeon stuck in a blade trap instead of helping. Right in time for a difficult boss fight! I ended up dualing the Nightingale blade and the Red Eagle sword and cut the fucker to pieces, only to nearly drown when the place flooded, because load-bearing boss. I was so incredibly pissed by all this that when it was over, I went to Dragonsreach and-- dear Talos, I finally found Proventus to purchase Breezehome! It's been TWO MONTHS!

      Then Lydia decided to be a bitch so I saved and knifed her. The end.

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    • I was happily troddi down the road on my ghost horse... When a goat in the road glitches and went zigzagging down the road. I cracked up.

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    • I recently completely maxed out my Archery skill tree on my Khajiit character, Daro'Khali, and I was using the Nightingale Bow, and Ebony Arrows, if that had anything to do with this. I was doing one of the Temple of Mara quests that you can get from the priests there in Riften where you have to find the ghost dude and reunite him with his ghost wife. I was on my way to the general area of where you're sent by the ghost women to look for her husband, when I saw a saber cat off in the distance. (I also had my sneak maxed at the time, if that also has something to do with the critical hit thing that may have caused this) So, I crouched, zoomed in, and shot my arrow. The camera did the kill-cam thing where it follows the arrow, but when it hit the saber cat, instead of the large feline falling to the ground, dead, it.... well... had a seisure, of sorts.

      First, it fell to the ground and began spinning around, before it proceeded to flail around in the air. As if this wasn't funny enough, the corpse of the beast then started moving in vast circles extremely fast, like it was some flying zombie Nascar cat. At this point, I was cracking up, and started to run over to it, when it completely spazzed out, it's body stretching in every direction, in ways that should not be possible for a cat. It was like that guy from the Incredibles, if you know what I'm talking about. Finally, it fell to the ground. So I ran up to it, and just when I was about to search it's body, it shot up into the air, never to be seen again.

      I think Daro'Khali had been drinking too much Skooma.

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    • Wispful wrote:
      I recently completely maxed out my Archery skill tree on my Khajiit character, Daro'Khali, and I was using the Nightingale Bow, and Ebony Arrows, if that had anything to do with this. I was doing one of the Temple of Mara quests that you can get from the priests there in Riften where you have to find the ghost dude and reunite him with his ghost wife. I was on my way to the general area of where you're sent by the ghost women to look for her husband, when I saw a saber cat off in the distance. (I also had my sneak maxed at the time, if that also has something to do with the critical hit thing that may have caused this) So, I crouched, zoomed in, and shot my arrow. The camera did the kill-cam thing where it follows the arrow, but when it hit the saber cat, instead of the large feline falling to the ground, dead, it.... well... had a seisure, of sorts.

      First, it fell to the ground and began spinning around, before it proceeded to flail around in the air. As if this wasn't funny enough, the corpse of the beast then started moving in vast circles extremely fast, like it was some flying zombie Nascar cat. At this point, I was cracking up, and started to run over to it, when it completely spazzed out, it's body stretching in every direction, in ways that should not be possible for a cat. It was like that guy from the Incredibles, if you know what I'm talking about. Finally, it fell to the ground. So I ran up to it, and just when I was about to search it's body, it shot up into the air, never to be seen again.

      I think Daro'Khali had been drinking too much Skooma.

      Dude,while reading this I cracked too,man I wish I saw that gloriuos cat fly up to the sky!

      Maybe I too need to buy me some of that skooma. XD

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    • Well,there was this one thing that happened to me once (the arrows thing happened a lot of times but the other thing only once) 

      I have a maxed out archery skill tree on my nord character and I had about 200 of iron arrows which I wanted to get rid of by shooting them.

      Anyway,while I was walking near the road of one of the mines (cant remember the name -.-) As I was wandering suddenly a frost troll appears in the distance.I get sneaky and shoot one arrow.Since my archery and sneaking skill is totally maxed out,I thought that even an iron arrow should do the trick,but I was wrong when I saw that the troll got paralyzed before the arrow hit him.So I was just watching my arrow in killcam as it flew above the paralyzed troll turn up to 180 degrees.After that I wasted atleast 10 more arrows beacuse of that.Every time the same thing would happen.Then when I shot another arrow,freakin' troll just bounced of the ground while paralyzed,arrow was still flying towards him,falls on his back with legs wide open and the last thing that I saw happen in killcam is ,while he did all of that,he perfectly lined up to take the arrow up the ass.When the killcam was over I just stood there totally confused and grossed out how a simple kill turned into a violent anal examination. 

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    • At the Crabber's Shanty, I took the fisherman's bottles of Nord Mead off his shelf (they didn't say "steal" or anything) and he ran up and said, "Wow, that was just lying around? Good find!"

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    • Leea wrote: At the Crabber's Shanty, I took the fisherman's bottles of Nord Mead off his shelf (they didn't say "steal" or anything) and he ran up and said, "Wow, that was just lying around? Good find!"

      I once had that boy in Riverwood tell me that... As I was looting Alvor's corpse (he died to a dragon). I was like, wow, kid, nice priorities...

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    • When you install the dragonborn DLC and get on a character, miraak's cultists attack you. I killed the three of them and two of the bodies are still there and people are sitting in circles around them, touching the corpses all day

      In online, my main way of getting around in coldharbour is jumping off everything, once, I jumped off a ledge and could see the ground below me until the last 2 seconds when I barely missed the edge and fell off the map. During the end of the coldharbour quest line, my sister asked me to look at her Minecraft skin while I was running and I fell off the map.

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    • When roleplaying as insane characters, I generally make them transvestite. My first case for this was a grief-stricken Breton who accidentally killed his newlywed wife. He went crazy, punching Sven to death, then running away and escaping Riften to join the Dark Brotherhood. He then killed Victoria Vicci in front of the entire crowd using a dagger. Then he took all of her clothing and ran away.

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    • I was following a Thalmor patrol with accompanying prisoner and they walked right into a Stormcloak camp and out the other side and the Stormcloaks said and did nothing about it. So much for them hating the Aldmeri Dominion.

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    • I was using my dunmer Mage bran magic hands with Kharjo as we adventured through bleak falls barrow when we got to traps first there were the door slappers Kharjo got slapped by the door all the way back to the dead draugr and I said "wow you must realy like draugrs" the funniest one were the axe spinners and Kharjo got hit once and then twice and went inside the axe and I said "you have done well,my apprentice you have learned to cheat death mwhahahahahahhahaha" and now young draugrs you shall die once more" *dual sparks while wearing black hooded Mage robes can realy get you into your emporer palpetine voice*

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    • There is also the time were I always beat jarl vignar gray mane up and steal his throne with my handsome Orc the Orc berserk dragon slaying dohvakining orc slaying sweet roll stealing harbinger of companions

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    • Also there was the sad moment were I had to kill parthurnax (parthy) I made sure to honor parthy by placing the weapon I used to kill him with and some red and blue flowers around his ancient and honored skeloton then I named my gear parthurnax and made sure they all became legendary and then I did the same to Delphine and Esperanza that I do to vignar gray mane the most least respectable jarl I have ever seen (I only killed parthy because I wanted his spirit to be free inside my body) (this is why we don't kill poor cicero people)

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    • Jarl Orc The Orc, did you forget you can just edit your post, or are you being an arse on purpose?

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    • I've just finished Speaking With Silence, like always I said to my housecarl to wait at Karliah's campment to find him again after the quest. I was stuck in the conversation with her, saw a troll kill Gregor behind Karliah who keep on chatting quietly then the monster attacked me and killed me while she was watching me dying stuck in the conversation bug.

      A troll.

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    • Papayaman1000 wrote: Jarl Orc The Orc, did you forget you can just edit your post, or are you being an arse on purpose?

      Guess what idiot,screw you and your family you don't have to be offensive dumb arse suck an egg

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    • Guess what idiot,screw you and your family you don't have to be offensive dumb arse suck an egg


      ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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    • With an Argonian pickpocket/warrior, I went into the Rift Imperial Camp and one of those fugitives runs up and gives me something. The hunter comes up later and doesn't even bother asking if I've got his (quite valuable) Leather Bracers of Archery and shot the guy while all the soldiers are running around yelling "I'm staying out of this!" and "A fight!" and then went to go stand next to that Altmer legate (I can't remember his name) behind the map and folded his arms and stared at me like he belonged there, as I stared at him back. The legate was looking at the hunter like, "What are you doing here with me?" then looking at me as if he was going to say, "He doesn't belong here."

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    • I just started the Companion questline with a new character, who is a ridiculously buff Altmer, and I had to beat Danica Pure-Spring into submission. It looked so awkward, with the huge muscular dude beating up a priestess >.>

      Also, I went into the Lost Knife Hideout in beast form, and as I roared, one of the bandits actually opened a cage with a sabre cat in it and went in... I guess he decided that he'd rather die to it than to a werewolf :P

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    • With a Bosmer archer, almost every time I pass a random encounter spot, there's the Old Orc again. Didn't you die enough times already?

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    • My first run-through of skyrim (on the ps3), I got off my horse to fight some bandits (before mounted combat was added), killed the bandits, and got back on my horse. The "getting on a horse" animation didn't play, and my character was still standing there, but I could move the horse around, and the camera would follow the the horse. I went from being dragon born to being a horse in less than ten seconds.

      Once, a friend came over to my house (irl) and wanted to try skyrim. So he made a new character (kajiit theif/rogue type). He got over to the Whiterun side of the mountain that Bleak Falls Barrow was on. Dark of night just walking down a road, we were just talking to eachother. Then, out of nowhere, riding toward us, is the headless horseman. We both went "What" and the horseman ran off. He played for less than two hours and met him, I probably have over 100 hours in (combined ps3 and pc) and have only seen him once, maybe twice.


      Then, just a few days ago, on pc, I was on a werewolf rampage, out in the wilds north of the Reach, and run across Alduin resurrecting a dragon. Still a werewolf, killed the dragon before he even got his scales on. Just as I left the burial mound, two Vigilants of stendarr show up, and try to murder me. After slapping their faces off, I ran north. Some dude ran up to me, trying to steal my stuff. "Alright, hand over your valuables, or I'll gut you like a fish!" I just stood there for a bit, and then picked the "intimidate" dialog option, and the idiot responded "Nice try, but you don't scare me. I'm not going to ask again.​".' Three slaps and one eaten heart later, I was one step closer to a shiny new perk point.

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    • 64.91.112.71 wrote:
      My first run-through of skyrim (on the ps3)...

      Me again.

      Level one or two, just after leaving Helgen on the way to the guardian stones, I nonchalantly strolled passed the three bandits sitting around their campfire. One of them said "You shouldn't be here". I turned and looked and they tag-teamed a rabbit, then went on with sitting around a campfire. They didn't even notice me. (sniff)

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    • so whenever my brother plays skyrim everything's fine, chill and all. but when i play it, bad things happen. i don't know why but every single character of mine is quite unfortunate. he has never encountered two dragons at once when he was a lower level. i did. i had to load to another save and completely circumvent the location with the two dragons. i also remember the time when i was wandering around falkreath and suddenly a dragon attacked me but as i was running away from him a ran to some kind of a bear camp with 3 bears and as i finally finished the dragon and 3 bears using every potion in my inventory.. a pair of vampires attacked and killed me because i was low on health :") and i was just staring at the screen like. what the hell, man, what the hell.

      also another short story. i went to dawnstar but as i arrived a guard came to me and wanted me to pay off my bounty (i killed there somebody because of the DB quest and ran) but then the dragon attacked and the guard didn't even get me a chance to answer and he and all the guards turned hostile on me. and then i tried to run away with guards and a dragon behind me when all of sudden a troll attacked me.

      i don't know what's wrong with my game but these things happen to me quite often.

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    • This happened to me just now. As I was going through the quest Waking Nightmare, Me and Erandur were battling a particularly resilient Orc Invader, clad in Studded Armor and wielding an Elven Shield. Sadly, for this individual, all of his strength was concentrated into his biceps... rather than into his noggin, where it was most needed. As for his choice of weapons, however... he initially clashed with us using a large Steel Battleaxe, to which I quickly shouted out of his arms using Disarm. He was swift to pull out an Orcish Dagger, in which I was equally swift to shout right out of his hands.

      So what does this blockhead for an Orc do? He make a bee line for the nearest clothing drawer, retrieves the Wooden Sword kept within it, and attempts to kill me and Erandur with it. Hahaha. It also didn't help that it made a clunking sound everytime he hit us with it, not to mention how ineffectual it was as an actual weapon.

      Last mistake he ever made. He is dead now...

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    • So when you help people out and they start letting you take things out of their houses, as it turns out, this permission applies to you, but not to any followers you might happen to have. So I was wandering around Dragonsreach collecting all the random crap to resell, but I didn't want to overencumber myself, so I was just telling Lydia to pick it all up. I don't know how we got almost all the way through the entire building before the guards decided to prevent Lydia from "stealing" random things. But then, even though Lydia was the one doing the stealing and it would have been perfectly fine if I had picked the things up, they decided to blame me. So they went into the dialogue where you get the option to resist, pay your bounty, or go to jail, but just as I was about to pay off the bounty, Lydia walked into the guard and for some reason that ended the dialogue and the guards tried to kill me. I tried to yeild several times but they wouldn't take it, probably because Lydia kept on attacking them in my defense... thanks Lydia. I had to pay off the bounty with console commands in order to not die.

      Later, I helped out Angeline in Solitude, so she liked me and I was picking up things in her shop but I accidentally stole something. I didn't want it, so I dropped it and when the guard showed up I payed off the bounty that was only ten septims or something. The next time I walked into the shop,