Idea by Sky Within,Voice Above. Please keep in mind this is entirely a joke and not a single bit of it should be taken seriously in any way, shape, or form.
Ok, so this wise guy called FishMerchant started making this blog series, and I was like "PARODY IS MINE ONLY I CAN DO IT PLS SATIRE IS COPYRIGHT ME". So I decided, what better way to get revenge than totally not copying the idea of critically reviewing blogs from another user? So yeah, in his latest addition about World War 2, he starts like this:
There's a civil war going on in Skyrim right now, and stuffs going down. Here's a basic overview.
Ha, what a joke! Skyrim's a video game for nerds! He must be a total nerd, amirite?
Once upon a time, a bunch of high elves got really jelly of Tie-bird September and decided to denounce him as a god. The nerds of Pierim got so flippin furious, that this guy named Ulfunk Sniffcoke got really stoned one night and decided to rebel with these famous words.
Oh wow, just look at this. Tie-bird September? ROFL HE CAN'T EVEN SPELL, everyone knows it's spelt Tiber Vivec Muatra! Anyway, he starts talking about pie because he's fat, and then he makes the wittiest drug joke in the world.
"Teh rul off teh epire is ovar. Dem elfs ce'nt stahp us ferm warsheepping ar wermengering dety. We well stert bah kellin dah cowerd Hi Keng Turtwig! Lol, am sew stoned."
The next day, Ulfunk regained his senses and felt really bad for waging war against the Empire. He went outside to ask his general Gluemar Stoned-Face to call his men back. In his stoned condition, Gluemar just watched as elephants danced across Ulfunk's face and didnt here a word of Ulfunk's long apology speech. Glumar just nodded dumbly before going outside and ordering his men to gather theor weapons and prepare for war. Ulfunk decided things had already gone too far and went with the flow from there, naming his army the Sniffcokes because he's an egomaniac. He went to Solitude and marched into the Blue Palace, where he challenged High King Turtwig to a dance battle. Turtwig couldn't turn down the challenge since all his subjects were around, and accepted. Unluckily for Ulfunk, Turtwig had been a 3 time championship dancer and even won Skyrim Idol, for which he was crowned for. While Ulfunk was stuck doing the Carlton, Turtwig was performing 360 spins on his head.. Ulfunk was forced to cheat, he yelled at Turtwig. Just yelled at him right there and then. Turtwig got so scared, he ran outside, tripped over a ladybug, and died. The court was so angry at Ulfunk for cheating, they ran him out of town.
So Fishy goes on to talk about the epic dance battle between Ulfunk and Turtwig, I can't argue with this bit, all of this happened in The Elder Scrolls II: Electric Boogaloo released for the Wii U as a sequel to Battlefield: Ghosts. I really wish I could make a joke here, but he's totally correct about every single detail.
Ulfunk felt really guilty, and decided to flee Pierim for now. Unluckily for him, the emperor had already sent their top guy, General Lollius. Lollius played some sort of prank on Ulfunk near the border and captured him and his men, loling the whole time. Oh, some random guy named Lokir also got caught up as well. I can't think of anyone else of significance who was captured. Anyways, Lolius brought everyone to some random town.
Is he even aware of what real life is? PFFT, I'M GUESSING NOT. Anyway, he talks about how Lokir the legend was captured with no one else important being there. HE SHOULD REALLY GET HIS FACTS STRAIGHT, Nils was on that carriage too.
"Lol u gonna get decaped, n00b. lolololol." - Lollius.
Everyone was rounded up and was going to get killed, when some really tall Argonian with wings decided to burn everyone instead. Ulfunk and Lullius escaped and started killing eachother.
So yeah, check this out, he doesn't even know what a dragon is, I mean seriously, everyone knows this, Smaug destroyed the town, SHE'S A DRAGON. Jeez, get your facts straight at least.
I didn't do more since the story diverged at that point, sorry. Also, I'm lazy. Tell me if you want more, or this is getting really old and you think I'm a stupid idiot who should kill myself. Ta!
Ha, so this blog was absolutely the worst thing I've ever seen, every bit of it was awful, he can't even spell anything. The writer should feel ashamed. I hate everything now. This is getting really old and Fishy is a stupid idiot who needs to kill himself.