....So how do I review something that is not meant to be taken seriously? That's a question I asked Fishy when he asked me to review his blogs. (Well, technically, I asked him if I could and he said yes) The answer is with a review that shouldn't be taken seriously. Which brings me to something I need to say. In my last review of Man of Steaks work, it has been brought to my attention that instead of focusing on the blog at hand, I made more fun of MoS than the blog itself. I argued about it in the comments but now I ultimately see their point and instead of trying to clear up the review a bit I just put a disclaimer on it. So, to those who wisely called me on it, thank you, and I will strive to write them better next time. It will be more professional, more neutral to the opinions of the writers and focused mainly on the writing itself. One of the complaints was that bashing somebody in a blog is a big no-no, no matter what. I agree, (Even though UAM On: Fishy On didn't get the same sh*t or Madman97, who probably insulted all of you and didn't even realize it, got nothing but praise, (and the occasional angry anti-nord rant from Lord Hadron)). So therefore, I want to make some things clear. When I state my opinion on something, it really doesn't matter towards the overall outcome of the review, I just added something extra. People are entitled to opinions. When I bash someone, I usually have a reason and its not as if it came out of nowhere. I have the permission of the user beforehand so there is no hard feelings. But no insulting users from now on.
Fishy: Hey, do my blogs!
Me: Godf*ckin dammit. How the hell will I review something this not serious without insulting him? So, I guess f*ck what I said above, my reviews will take a biased, unorthodox, and opionated turn (Even more so) for the next few weeks while I start...
THE FISHY OPERA (The Review for FishySaleman's Fishy On: Blogs) And we will start with his somewhat latest blog, at his request, Fishy On: The Civil War! (I didn't start his actual latest one due to the fact that it's too f*cking terrible to review. I got Rick Rolled and everything.) Remember viewers, normal text is mine, bold text is the blog itself, and to all users who were expecting a serious and professional blog!...Are you really surprised this is how it ended up? Let's do this.
There's a civil war going on in Skyrim right now, and stuffs going down. Here's a basic overview.
Once upon a time, a bunch of high elves got really jelly of Tie-bird September and decided to denounce him as a god. The nerds of Pierim got so flippin furious, that this guy named Ulfunk Sniffcoke got really stoned one night and decided to rebel with these famous words.
"Teh rul off teh epire is ovar. Dem elfs ce'nt stahp us ferm warsheepping ar wermengering dety. We well stert bah kellin dah cowerd Hi Keng Turtwig! Lol, am sew stoned."
Let's start off with the start. To Fishy's credit, there is stuff going down in Skyrim. Too bad he talks like a five year old. Tie-Bird September? Even for a not-serious blog, that seems kind of cheesy. I like Ulfunk Sniffcoke better, although I would like "Snortcoke" instead. Sounds more like Stormcloak. Plus the derpy talking is a nice touch. It's how I envisioned Madman97 whenever he was talking. ERMEGERD, WERBBERJERKS!!! On Fishy's end, is this blog really that funny? Of course not, that's the damn point.
The next day, Ulfunk regained his senses and felt really bad for waging war against the Empire. He went outside to ask his general Gluemar Stoned-Face to call his men back. In his stoned condition, Gluemar just watched as elephants danced across Ulfunk's face and didnt here a word of Ulfunk's long apology speech. Glumar just nodded dumbly before going outside and ordering his men to gather theor weapons and prepare for war. Ulfunk decided things had already gone too far and went with the flow from there, naming his army the Sniffcokes because he's an egomaniac. He went to Solitude and marched into the Blue Palace, where he challenged High King Turtwig to a dance battle. Turtwig couldn't turn down the challenge since all his subjects were around, and accepted. Unluckily for Ulfunk, Turtwig had been a 3 time championship dancer and even won Skyrim Idol, for which he was crowned for. While Ulfunk was stuck doing the Carlton, Turtwig was performing 360 spins on his head.. Ulfunk was forced to cheat, he yelled at Turtwig. Just yelled at him right there and then. Turtwig got so scared, he ran outside, tripped over a ladybug, and died. The court was so angry at Ulfunk for cheating, they ran him out of town.
I don't really get the elephants part but...(shrugs) ok. Named his army sniffcokes, hehehe. Still like Snortcokes better. I wouldn't call him Ulfunk either, probably more along the lines of Ulsh*t Snortcoke. Closer to the original name and thus funnier. Fishy, you should be taking notes. Plus, I'm not sure Fishy has the right to be calling people stoned when he can't even spell right. UAM and me should join forces...The rest of the paragraph is actual events Fishy-fied, yes that's a thing, and everything in it is true except for the parts that are not. Just reading this is making me stupid. I thought it would be more funny if Turtwig, heh, ok, I'll give him that one, messed up on one of the spins and just broke his neck, but that may be my repressed violent nature speaking.
Ulfunk felt really guilty, and decided to flee Pierim for now. Unluckily for him, the emperor had already sent their top guy, General Lollius. Lollius played some sort of prank on Ulfunk near the border and captured him and his men, loling the whole time. Oh, some random guy named Lokir also got caught up as well. I can't think of anyone else of significance who was captured. Anyways, Lolius brought everyone to some random town.
"Lol u gonna get decaped, n00b. lolololol." - Lollius.
OOOOHHH, Pierim, Skyrim, I get it. Ok, moving on. Lollius...Hmm..."I can't think of anyone else significant who was captured." Ah, see now THIS is comedy. The spoofing and rewriting the story for humor are all great, (Not really), but its lines like this that actually make it something to laugh at besides the quality level, which just raised a little in my eyes. Good for you Fishy, good for you. AAAAAAAAnd he immediatly killed it with an unfunny sentence said by Lollius. Thank you Fishy.
Everyone was rounded up and was going to get killed, when some really tall Argonian with wings decided to burn everyone instead. Ulfunk and Lullius escaped and started killing eachother.
I didn't do more since the story diverged at that point, sorry. Also, I'm lazy. Tell me if you want more, or this is getting really old and you think I'm a stupid idiot who should kill myself. Ta!
Also, for anyone who cares, Jungles of Valenwood will be back up and running shortly.
The rest of it is just Fishy trying to wrap up a big joke, which means its an unfunny and insulting mess. I think Madman97 would say Kirkbride had funnier stuff than this. (Madman97 bursts through the roof to say something, stops as he opens his mouth, thinks about it, closes his mouth, then leaves) Also, LAZINESS WILL NOT BE TOLERATED WITH ME FISHY!!! I'll tell you what I want, this!
(Warning to all you kiddies out there, do not copy this link address into your search bar and press enter. It has very bad words :D)
And the Final Verdict is...(Drumroll please)
Final Word: Fishy is an interesting sort of guy, from the conversations I have had with him. He seems like he is one of those guys from the website Funny or Die if anyone's ever heard of it. Sometimes it can be pretty hilarious, sometimes its more mediocre than the humor I make. This balances out the blog into an Average sort that is an entertaining read, but only for five minutes before you realize you could be doing something much better with your day. Still, it's really not bad and is worth checking out if you ever have the time, and I look forward to reviewing every last one of them. Blog Critic out.