Skyrim Week 4:
Been wandering around Skyrim for a nearly 4 weeks now. Had to go back into Bleak Barrows Fall to get that golden claw thingy from the geyser what got munched by the spiders. He was dead and hiding right in amongst the cobwebs in the same chamber where the spider copped it. Bit puzzled how the spider got him ‘coz I dun in the spider before I cut the other bloke down from the cobweb. Still, it’s only a game, eh? And you don’t get many dragons around my neck of the woods, unless you include the miserable old gits next door.
During me travels I’ve collected over two thousand baskets and they’re all in me cellar in Riften. Trouble is, me poor old PS3 ain’t up to the job and everything gets juddery when I dives into the swimm…Read more >
Me mobile's buggered. Went all the way up to High Hothgar but still couldn't get a signal. You'd think in this day and age that Bethesda would've installed a couple of phone masts for us busy dragonborn professionals so we can keep up to date with our investment stocks and phone the missus in Riften occasionally, wouldn't ya? She'll get worried and start fretting and I'll have to waste me money and buy her some more flowers 'coz I think she ate the last lot.
The Jarl of Whiterun's right pissed off. He got his new smartphone sent in from Amazon, 'coz they's cheap, and he couldn't get nuffink on it. No signal, no internet, no nuffinck. He wants me to go up some mountain to have a word with some bandits or other to see what their signal'…Read more >
Been collecting baskets at a right old rate of knotts lately. Everytime I helps meself to all that lovely stuff going freebie down the Jarl of Whiterun's gaff I keeps collecting all the baskets 'coz you just never know when a spare basket or two might come in handy. I hates throwing stuff away what I can't flog on at cash converters so I'm chucking it all down me cellars in me pad in Riften. Got loads of freebie crap down there I have 'coz I've only gone an sussed it, ain't I?
I get tired easily after helping meself all over the place so what I do is this. I kips for 10 days and me missus cooks me dinner when I wakes up then I divvies up with her. I give her jack shit and she gives me half of everything she's got. That's a good girl.…Read more >
I've been wondering why some silly cow keeps following me everywhere I go. No matter how fast I leg it away she always catches up with me. Don't know what's up with her or who pulled her chain but decided I better ask her what it's all about.
'I am your sword and your shield' she said.
'Cut the crap' I said, 'What you keep following me for?'
'It's either this or back on the game in the boozer in Whiterun and me pimp's gonna get mad', she said.
'So what you gone and wasted me 500 gold what I give ya?' I asked.
She hummed and ah-ed a bit then came right out with it. 'Drugs.'
'Drugs?', I said. 'Got any spare?'.
'Nah, done 'em all'. That explains the far away look in her eyes, I thought, but why's the mad cow still following me about I still…Read more >
What I think:
Followers are bloody handy buggers, aren't they? Got one what keeps gettin' flattened to a soggy pulp and the silly twat keeps getting back up. Fekk that for a game of marbles. I'd be right off. Don't do what I did to mine though. Got this mad woman who was selling herself in the pub in Whiterun. See was going cheap so I had her. Daft moo has been following me round ever since and one day I accidentally set fire to her and kept burning her 'coz I thought she was a monster trying to do me in. When I ran out of petrol she got the right hump. Any kids ever read this then cover your eyes 'coz you poor little beggars ain't got a clue what's coming. If ever you decide these women in Skyrim is bonkers just you wait 'til you…Read more >