What I think:
Followers are bloody handy buggers, aren't they? Got one what keeps gettin' flattened to a soggy pulp and the silly twat keeps getting back up. Fekk that for a game of marbles. I'd be right off. Don't do what I did to mine though. Got this mad woman who was selling herself in the pub in Whiterun. See was going cheap so I had her. Daft moo has been following me round ever since and one day I accidentally set fire to her and kept burning her 'coz I thought she was a monster trying to do me in. When I ran out of petrol she got the right hump. Any kids ever read this then cover your eyes 'coz you poor little beggars ain't got a clue what's coming. If ever you decide these women in Skyrim is bonkers just you wait 'til you all get out into the real world and find out what mad really is.
I'm wondering how easy it's gonna be to push mine off the top of the Throat Of The World or whatever it's called. My madwoman followed me up there to deliver some grub for some daft old geysers who can't be fekkin' bothered gettin' off their lazy fat arses and getting their own. Just as well she was there 'coz this bloody great white thing jumped out and had seven kinds of freakout. My madcow went zooming past me and fed herself to it. It smashed her head right in and she went 'pphhh' and fell over. Then the thingy what had bashed her looked at me. Now, I ain't feeding myself to nuffink, thank you very much. I turned and legged it back down the hill fast as I could scuttle. Last thing I saw was me madwoman getting up again and then getting her brains stove in again.
I didn't stop running 'til all the snow was gone and I passed a goat I'd done in on the way up. Good target practice goats are. So I stopped and got me breath and all of a sudden that madwoman was there again. Bloody hell, she's a glutton for punishment, she is. So I checked out what other suicidal idiots there are what live in Skyrim and sell themselves bonking people and animals and monsters for a living. Very curious what gave the designers the ideas in the first place. Wouldn't want to be one of there girlfriends, if they know what they are.
But all in all, followers are quite good, specially when I go and do me shopping around Dragonfell. They've got some quite good stuff lying around that place and you can get quite a good price for it at any Cash Converters in skyrim. So me madwoman does earn her keep, and she can keep gettin' her brains crunched up as often as she wants if it keeps her happy. But she'd better not start lipping it.f 'coz I'll get me next one to throttle her.