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ESO ToArms!

In case you haven't heard, Zenimax is handing out invitations to you (and millions of others) to test Elder Scrolls Online, the latest entry in the Elder Scrolls franchise and of course, the first one to feature online multiplayer. You'd also get an exclusive monkey vanity pet which could be yours for the very, VERY low introductory price of participating in the beta this weekend! (That means it's free if you try it out.) So what's there to lose?

What's that? You don't want to try it out because you're lonely and you want a close friend to join you in your epic adventures all-across Tamriel? If you haven't clicked the link above yet, every invite comes with another invite so you could invite that one special person. Can you hear the (b)romance?

So far, this only applies to PC, but if you're the proud owner of a next-gen console, you should've waited for more games to come out for that console, now go get a PC!! (...) Woah, woah, I'm just kidding! Now, before you threaten my life and my family, there will be beta tests later this year for next-gen consoles and if you don't have it yet, ESO will be playable without PlayStation Plus, isn't that cool?

ESO: Update v 0.18

This gigantic wall of text is what awaits you, but surely since we all have some degree of laziness to read all that, let me summarize some of the patch notes in a bad pseudo-ye olde English way:

  • Are ye tired of buggy quests? Fret not! Thousand of fixes were dispatched with haste for this upcoming update!
  • Thou hateth thee tutorial? Calm yer undergarmets, ye can now skip it!
  •  Art thou a new Casu-El gamer? No worries, you now level up faster as a newbie, but slightly slower at thee higher levels.
  • NPC Collision! Now ye don't ever haveth to encounter thee immersion-breaking feeling of passing through an NPC like Casper the Ghost!
  • Just go read the post if you want more, but it's a really long wall of text!

Xbox Live GOLD & ESO Subscription

Unfortunately, if you're the owner of an Xbox One, you're going to need Xbox Live Gold to play ESO otherwise, you're going to have to be paying $25 per month to play ESO (ESO Sub being $15/mo and Xbox Live Gold sub being $10/mo), which is pretty much like buying a new game unless you buy from Steam during the Holidays.


Anyhow, this wraps up my insomnia-filled Kotaku-styled (somehow Cracked-inspired) news report on Elder Scrolls Online. Tell me what you think about my news report, if you'll be willing to shell-out 25-smackeroos for ESO or if you just want to bash me on the comments section bellow. Also, there's probably some typos here and there... Buuut, please understand... It's 5:23AM in the morning here, my brain is barely working and I could compete with Super Sayan 6 Goku with how messy my hair is right now. Thanks for reading and PEACE OUT~! :3