There's a civil war going on in Skyrim right now, and stuffs going down. Here's a basic overview.

Once upon a time, a bunch of high elves got really jelly of Tie-bird September and decided to denounce him as a god. The nerds of Pierim got so flippin furious, that this guy named Ulfunk Sniffcoke got really stoned one night and decided to rebel with these famous words.

"Teh rul off teh epire is ovar. Dem elfs ce'nt stahp us ferm warsheepping ar wermengering dety. We well stert bah kellin dah cowerd Hi Keng Turtwig! Lol, am sew stoned."

The next day, Ulfunk regained his senses and felt really bad for waging war against the Empire. He went outside to ask his general Gluemar Stoned-Face to call his men back. In his stoned condition, Gluemar just watched as elephants danced across Ulfunk's face and didnt here a word of Ulfunk's long apology speech. Glumar just nodded dumbly before going outside and ordering his men to gather theor weapons and prepare for war. Ulfunk decided things had already gone too far and went with the flow from there, naming his army the Sniffcokes because he's an egomaniac. He went to Solitude and marched into the Blue Palace, where he challenged High King Turtwig to a dance battle. Turtwig couldn't turn down the challenge since all his subjects were around, and accepted. Unluckily for Ulfunk, Turtwig had been a 3 time championship dancer and even won Skyrim Idol, for which he was crowned for. While Ulfunk was stuck doing the Carlton, Turtwig was performing 360 spins on his head.. Ulfunk was forced to cheat, he yelled at Turtwig. Just yelled at him right there and then. Turtwig got so scared, he ran outside, tripped over a ladybug, and died. The court was so angry at Ulfunk for cheating, they ran him out of town.

Ulfunk felt really guilty, and decided to flee Pierim for now. Unluckily for him, the emperor had already sent their top guy, General Lollius. Lollius played some sort of prank on Ulfunk near the border and captured him and his men, loling the whole time. Oh, some random guy named Lokir also got caught up as well. I can't think of anyone else of significance who was captured. Anyways, Lolius brought everyone to some random town.

"Lol u gonna get decaped, n00b. lolololol." - Lollius.

Everyone was rounded up and was going to get killed, when some really tall Argonian with wings decided to burn everyone instead. Ulfunk and Lullius escaped and started killing eachother.


I didn't do more since the story diverged at that point, sorry. Also, I'm lazy. Tell me if you want more, or this is getting really old and you think I'm a stupid idiot who should kill myself. Ta!

Also, for anyone who cares, Jungles of Valenwood will be back up and running shortly.