I warn you, the following blog you’re about to read has quite a bit of adult language (I can’t express myself any other way).... and terrible grammer.
The marvelous and most beautiful critter known to man, the groundhog
Hi, Hello, Greeting, Salutations or whatever opening to a blog that sounds the least douche-y, it is I, Getgroundhog, premiering my new blog on Video Game related topics. This week (or rather when I can be bothered to write these things) I will be discussing the inevitable; Zenimax whoring out the TES franchise above a simple MMO, but also a MOVIE!
It’s no secret that many video game franchises have released or are going to release feature-length flicks in an attempt to squeeze a quick buck from their audience or the simple movie-goer on the back of a popular brand. To name just a few: Assassin’s Creed, Prince of Persia, Uncharted, Super Mario, Hitman, Halo, Lara Croft and probably the most famous, Doom. I assure you I didn’t forget any, there’s a shit-tonne of them. So if you haven’t gathered from the title and the first paragraph, I’m insinuating that they’re going to make an Elder Scrolls movie, Why? Because no matter how much all you lore-nuts are going to cry and whinge about it, you’re going to still watch it, just like you’re still going to buy TES: Online.
To any of the readers of this blog who are fans of the Dragonball franchise, you’re probably on the edge of your seats and know why this is a bad thing, anyone else... prepare yourselves. Imagine it now, a live-action movie based on the Elder Scrolls series but watered down for the typical movie-goer to a degree that it’s not even recognizable. I mean shit like: Argonians and Khajiit being cut or changed into feral monsters, 98% of the cast as the human races, changing established TES events to cater to the casual viewer and that’s only if 20th Century Fox got the rights to it, imagine if Michael Bay got his hands on it?
How has this man not won an oscar yet?
Maybe I’m being a little pessimistic, I am badmouthing a movie that hasn’t even begun the writing process (Or has it?) but I hope you can see why I’m being a tad bit sceptical. Sorry if this sounds cliché, but The Elder Scrolls series has gone uber-mainstream (“uber” because it became mainstream with Oblivion) and the fan base reflects the quality of the game, for example, Call of Duty was once a brilliant; story-driven, well praised series for being revolutionary to the FPS War genre, now an annual rehash praised for having new, cool looking guns and “consistent” graphics every year. As you can see with Call of Duty, when the series gained momentum, the innovation just disappeared and became about pandering to the younger hip audience in order to nick £50 from their parents every November. I’m afraid Skyrim is attracting that same kind of audience and I also believe that there’s a correlation between audience and game quality (..and eventually whoring the product out for a movie). Skyrim did seem half finished but they still raked in a good bit of money, that’ll be sending them the message to make more games, rush them, make money and rinse and repeat. Just like Skyrim, I’m going to leave this bit half finished and let you use your imagination on how this’ll lead to an Elder Scrolls Movie, if you lack an Imagination; here is how it’ll go.
Zenimax Guy: That TES is making some good money for me.
Todd Howard: ME TOO!
Zenimax Guy: Let’s make a movie that completely destroys the lore and give it even more of a rush job than the games! We’ll make Money!
Todd Howard: I’m sorry good sir, I’ve got integrity, and I’d never sell-out the fans of the series just for money. OKAY!
Both: MONEY!
Conclusion[]
I sort of forgot where I was going with this, so here's a poll.
Thanks for reading, the next blog will be better than... this.