(Madman Tonight is filmed in front of a live studio audience)
Madman97 (lounging on a chair in front of a flower pot sprouting a magnificent flower): Look at it, Dave. Such a delicate piece of life, thriving amidst the chaos of the universe. It makes one want to get out of this stuffy old studio and enjoy the sun. After all, we'll never know how much longer we'll be able to see it. Right Dave?
(Madman97 looks over to Dave's chair, which is empty. Confused, he takes out his phone and dials the number)
Dave (over phone): Yeah?
Madman97: Dave! Where are you? I can't do the show without you. I'm only the host!
Dave: Oh yeah, that. I was playing Dark Souls 3.
Madman97: What?...Is it...good?
Dave: SON OF A C*CK-SUCKING F***S***F***F***C***A$$..........Yeah...Nothing if not classic Dark Souls. Don't worry, though. I sent over The Cat Master for you to interview. Then you can talk about sunshine and flowers or some bullsh*t. Have fun!
Madman97 (hanging up and holding up the phone to the lights): For your impudence, I curse you to forget the crossbowman standing on the rafters behind you on the Lodoleth Wall. And then when you go back to retrieve your souls, your finger will slip and you will roll right into its attack.
Madman97: Still, it looks like Dave gave us a show. So could everyone please give a warm welcome to The Cat Master tonight on...
(A Khajiit Warrior walks up onto the stage and sits down. Madman97 leans back into his chair, adjusting his shades so he looks cool)
Madman97: Well, well, well. Cat Master...or should I say, Ser Pouce-a-lot!
Madman97: Welcome to the show. We'll get started here by asking you a little bit about yourself. In fact, let's all pay close attention here. I want to know who the man is under that fur. How did you find yourself here in my studio, or more broadly, onto our sponsor site, the Elder Scrolls Wiki?
The Cat Master: I'm a shy, liberal, atheist, hipster who works for a small construction company in a religiously conservative west Texas town.
Madman97: Texas, hmm? Happenin' place. Lots of fat people.
The Cat Master: As a result, I don't have too many friends, so I find solace in my music and games.
Madman97: I know the feeling. The feeling when the only one you have in the world is Dave...It's a horrible feeling...But anywho! How did you get to the wiki?
The Cat Master: I discovered Wikia in 2011 when i was looking for walkthroughs for Dragon age 2. I signed an account with the Dragon Age wiki under the name Ser Pouce-a-lot, a name I later decided was kinda stupid so I changed it.
Madman97: Try as you might. But I'll never forget, hee hee hee...
The Cat Master: Anywho, I didn't edit much on that wiki, except for maybe a few spelling fixes and forum posts. I lost interest in it pretty soon afterward when I lost interest in that game. I also tried out the Mass Effect wiki, but I thought it was way too clickish and that one of the admins there was a tyrant who was way too trigger happy with the revert button. Didn't stick around there too long. Now on to the TES wiki. I started coming here in November 2011, a few days after the release of Skyrim. I didn't edit much back then, but I did help clean up some of the then new Skyrim pages. My activity back then was sporadic and didn't last long. That coincided with the beginning of a traumatic period of my life.
That coupled with limited access to the internet, it took a couple years before developed an interest in editing. I returned about this time last year when I wanted to find out why vale sabre cats in Dawnguard didn't respawn. Well i didn't find anything on that kitty's article, so I posted a question about it on the forums, and Azura Knight responded with an answer explaining that there was a bug with it. As a result, I decided that info needed to go in the article, so I added it. Well, that is when the wiki bug got me. As I was looking through other pages I noticed a lot were missing the bugs template, so I took it upon myself to add them. I knew Skyrim was buggy, but I had no idea how bad it was until l took on that project. From there i worked on other formatting stuff, as well as adding journals to quest pages, starting new pages, and creating a few navboxes for some Morrowind articles. For a while I thought my contributions went unnoticed, until one day Atvelonis suggested that i apply for the patroller position, so I did.
Madman97: Come now, no editing goes unnoticed. You know, I made an edit the first moment I signed up! And it was immediately reverted and I was given a warning! But it takes a special kind of editor to become a Patroller. Is it strenuous work?
The Cat Master: Yeah, it's pretty cool, and I can't say it's too strenuous. Though occasionally we may get 50-100+ new articles in one day and it can get pretty tedious to go through all of them. But, that is one part of the job I must fulfill.
Madman97: Eww, sounds boring. I think I would really have to motivate myself to get on here and edit the way you guys do.
The Cat Master: I enjoy editing, so I don't really need to motivate myself to do so. I try to hang around here as much as I can, but work and other real world obligations do interfere sometimes. Oh... and there's also Fallout 4.
Madman97: Bingo. (He looks back at the flower pot and smiles) Texas, huh? (He snaps his fingers and the flower burns) Now that it's springtime, do you like to get out and enjoy the landscape? Cousin Sheo was down there during one of his cowboy phases, rustling up some people to skin and trade with their unknowing families. He says it was beautiful down in San Antonio and Austin. Lots of space for the screams to fill.
The Cat Master: Well... when I lived in Houston, I loved springtime. It rained a lot, so it was green and rather pretty, and it wasn't beastly hot and humid like in the summer. I used to go to Austin sometimes to see shows, and whenever I went during this time of year the fields between there and Houston would be covered in blue bells. I thought they were over rated... Until now. Now I live in a West Texas town called Midland, or as I affectionately call the Armpit of Oblivion (what I usually call this place is a bit too vulgar to say on the air).
Madman97: Huh, I had no idea Malacath lived in Texas...
The Cat Master: Spring is just one of the four brown seasons now. It's dry, dusty, ugly, and well... depressing. Now I miss seeing those flowers. Oh, and sometimes we get the refreshing scent of petroleum in the air. So... Yeah I miss spring.
Madman97: BUT WHAT ABOUT THE FAT PEOPLE?! Ahem, but what about the fat people? Surely their restaurants must be magnificent if there are so many. Sheo said he found a whole buffet in one guy.
The Cat Master: In Houston there were a lot of cool restaurants, like Star Pizza, Biba's Greek restaurant, or Fadi's Mediterranian, to name a few. In the Armpit of Oblivion...Well, if you like big corporate mega chains, sure, they are great. However, since I like indie pizza joints, or ethnic food like Middle Eastern, Greek, or Indian, all of which are nonexistent here, I'm not overly impressed with the selection we have. We do have some Mexican and Chinese places that aren't too bad. Actually, a pretty decent barbeque place recently opened up. Their brisket is delicious, and they have good craft beer. The downside though... it's in a friggin grocery store.
The Cat Master: So... I guess... if I were to recommend a place in Midland, this may be it, as long as you don't mind bad 80s top 40 pop music, interspersed with the soothing call of "Clean-up on aisle 12".
On Music and Games
Madman97 (chuckling): Oh Cat, I think you would be an excellent host on this show. But moving on from dumb old Texas (Sorry Sandy), you mentioned that you took solace in your games and music. Do you mind if you let us know how the Cat Master kicks back?
The Cat Master: As far as games, I love the Elder Scrolls, obviously. Skyrim is one of my favorite games to date, with Fallout 4 at a very close second. Currently, I am alternating between Fallout 4 and Dragon Age: Inquisition. A few other games I love are the early Assassins Creed games, Fallout 3, and New Vegas, the Mass Effect series, the first three Silent Hill games, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, and The Witcher 2, and Wild Hunt.
Madman97: I honestly have nothing to play. I've finished Just Cause 3 and its new DLC, Battlefront is a disappointment, I just don't have the commitment for Dark Souls 3...It's a very...hollow existence, only made better by my favorite songs...
The Cat Master: As far as music is concerned, I am fairly eclectic. I mainly listen to Electronica, Dream Pop, Post-rock, and Punk. I also like Grunge, Classical, Psychedelic, and Indie rock. Some bands that are on heavy rotation on my iPod are Aphex Twin, Bjork, Boards of Canada, Cocteau Twins, Crass, Dead Can Dance, Dead Kennedys, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, Orbital, Radiohead, Sigur Rós, and Stereolab.
Madman97: Ooh, very nice. A particular favorite of mine is Flaming Lips. I have at least three t-shirts of them I like to bust out at my annual spring barbecue. What about you? Any seasonal traditions? Any favorite seasons?
The Cat Master: My favorite seasons are spring and fall, but since I currently live in the Armpit of Oblivion, where they all are brown and dusty, I find it hard to appreciate any of them. When I lived in Houston, my ex-girlfriend and I would hike in the woods on weekends during these seasons. But for the time being while I live in the Armpit of Oblivion, my tradition is to stay home and play games, listen to music, and save money so I can eventually leave Texas.
Madman97: Wow, it sounds like it really sucks. It's a good thing I'm a soul-sucking agent of the Abyss who can travel anywhere he wants. It almost makes me feel bad I have to send you back where Dave kidnapped you from. (Madman97 snaps his fingers and The Cat Master is zapped back to Texas...Heh heh, poor kid.) My best wishes to him. I hope this Spring will be one to remember for him. And also, for you, my dear audience. Enjoy it anyway you can. You never know when Cousin Sheo will stop by and skin you alive. Stay Mad now.