Hey. Hey Wikians. Guess who's back from an extended vacation? If you guessed my English Professor, you would be creepily correct. What are we waiting for? Let's do this.
Dave: Too short of an introduction, especially if this is going to be as big as you want it to be.
Madman97: Oh fine. Apologies to my fellow wikians who have waited so patiently for the final episode of Wabbajack Grinding for season 3. This will be the Rant to end all Rants. In fact, feel free to rant at me in the comments, feel the anger flow through you! Agree with me or disagree and argue the heck out of it. Because you all knew this was coming. It was as sure as Leonardo DiCaprio getting snubbed at the Oscars again. Joining me today to rant is our long time guest star and Blog Critic Dave. Dave, how are you today?
Dave: Ready to kick some @$$.
Madman97: See audience, this won't be your average little rant and discussion. Dave and I will battle it out to see just who's rant upholds their side better, and when it comes to this, we are split down the middle. You know what really grinds my Wabbajack's?
Dave: I think they know.
Madman97: You'd have to be an idiot if you didn't, (Apologies to those who didn't know regardless). Kirkbride. (Feel free to start ranting in the comments). It is just to big of a topic to ignore. I've danced around it too long but I figured it would make a better finale. Though I aknowledge that the topic has been getting a bit stale and over argued. But it needs to be done. Before Kirkbride supporters write this off as another bash against the developer, Dave will be taking the side of Kirkbride to defend, if he can, against my rants in an interview like scenario. The stakes are high, and the title of god of the Rant hangs in the balance. Dave, are you ready?
Madman97: Ask your first question.
Dave: Alright, starting off the episode is this question. How much do you actually know about Kirkbride? Do you really know who your ranting against?
Madman97: Of course, glad you asked. Michael Kirkbride is a former developer and writer for Bethesda for the Elder Scrolls, reponsible for many in-game books and theories presented in the Elder Scrolls community. He did work on Morrowind before leaving, and now writes about lore stuff on the Imperial Library. He has a big fanbase with his many strange and often symbolic ridden stories and theories, with favorites such as CHIM and the Godhead running around.
Dave: Ok, next question. You are an avid disbeliever of theories like CHIM. Why is this?
Madman97: It's not that I don't like them...Well, I don't like CHIM. I think it's weird. It's just that I don't think enough evidence has been put forth about his theories as people seem to think. Without more, I cannot accept this. Plus, the sometimes backwards arguments I have with people lead me to disbelieve it simply for not making any logical sense. I realize that its not supposed to...but why?
Dave: Well CHIM is one of those things where it does make sense if you look into it. If you don't make any effort to do so, how are you going to finally make sense of it?
Madman97: Don't need to my dear Dave. When it appears in game I will take it as is.
Dave: That leads me to another question. A couple weeks ago we did a Rivalry on C0DA, and from what people have told me, it is basically telling everyone that anything they consider canon is canon, and while I have expressed my dislike for that, I kind of see why Kirkbride would like to enforce it, and even though the story is definitely strange, I find I support it. Why don't you? Old hatred for Kirkbride?
Madman97: Borrowing a little AVGN lingo, I would rather *ahem* "Be buttf*cked up the d*ck" than have everything be canon. It's a detriment to good storytelling.
Dave: But why? Why should people have to be limited to just an already laid out story?
Madman97: BECAUSE MY DEAR DAVEY, IT'S. F*CKING. STUPID!!! Allow me to explain. What game ever drops you into something where it tells you absolutely nothing and you're expected to just play? (Minecraft doesn't count. You already know the purpose of the game is buildiing things. It counts as instruction) There has to be a point to the game, a certain goal. Legend of Zelda, save the princess and kill Ganon. Super Mario Bros, save Princess Peach. Skyim, kill Alduin and do another million stuffs. There's actually a point. A set story. I'm down with the option of choice within the game but it has to work in the context of the story otherwise there is no point to having choice at all. Choices are meant to be meaningful, and while it is in just a game, choices usually have both benifets and reprucussions. Take Mass Effect 2 for example. But having anything be canon is just a big F*ck you to this logic, and while some may not see it, it's a big F*ck you to the player as well. It's Kirkbride giving us the middle finger and saying we are to stupid to have a set narrative, that all the debates we have ever had mean nothing. That, Dave, is why I don't like the idea C0DA presents.
Dave: You do realize that Kirkbride is probably more passionate about the entire Elder Scrolls universe than most people in Bethesda. Even after leaving he writes for them, supports them, and Bethsda has endorsed a lot of his work. He cares for the fans. You are just blind to it.
Madman97: I'm picking up on some annoyance there Dave. Come on, you can rant better than that.
Dave: I'm a very tolderant person.
Madman97: Oh! Blasphemy! Mocking the Battle of Rants with your passive agressiveness! HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF!?!
Dave: It takes a lot to get me angry.
Madman97: Kirkbride sucks. D*CK.
Dave: Nope, not doing it.
Madman97: (Snaps fingers). I'll figure it out. Next question please.
Dave: Do you ever think you could support Kirkbride's work?
Madman97: Of course. When he stops taking crack every time he writes a story.
Dave: Do you know what symbolism means?
Madman97: A good example is C0DA. Full of symbolism, weird as heck. Even you who supports Kirkbride cannot deny it was a rather strange story. Times Square, Television heads!?! WHAT THE F*CK IS UP WITH THIS? What's with all the sci-fi?
Dave: It can be considered Sci-Fi if you look at certain aspects.
Madman97: BULL. It's a fantasy game. Perhaps if you actually think C0DA will be made into a game, and I don't why it would, then it would be sci-fi, but I don't think for a moment that its sci-fi right now. I'm not one of those people who would rather be raped with a condom of sandpaper than have it so, but I would just rather keep Fallout and the Elder Scrolls seperate. A lot of arguments I see from Kirkbride supporters is that making the Elder Scrolls mix with sci-fi elements is a good thing so its not just riding on Lord of the Rings coat-tails, but the thing is, it's done fine on its own so far without having sci-fi stuff in it. When I think Skyrim, I don't see Bilbo Baggins giving Smeagol the business. The Dwemer's technology used magic and steam to do their dirty work, not atomic fusion or use of A.I. In fact, User: Sevec says it all in the C0DA Rivalries blog.
"'l'll admit that Kirkbride has a talent for thinking outside the box. But just because an idea hasn't been done before doesn't make it good. I can't imagine that Bethesda would be foolish enough to openly endorse C0DA, which is a radical departure from officially accepted lore. [...] Half of this stuff sounds like it was made up by some wannabe philosopher. I can just picture a stoned hippie coming up with this: Duuuude! By combining fantasy and technology in a world you could only experience in a drug trip, I can, like, totally open people's minds, and, like, make the lion and the lamb lay next to eachother. And they wouldn't fight 'cuz they'd both have televisions for heads. Every once in a while, I'd slam the reader's head against the fourth wall by mentioning real world stuff. Then I'd break their immersion by reminding them that it's a VIDEO GAME. Whoa, that's some deep thinking man, I mean right?! Can you pass the joint?" Sevec, I couldn't agree more with what you said, and I am glad I am not the only one that feels the same. Of course I think Kirkbride is a skillful person in terms of creativity, but as explained in my CHIM blog, it's creativity robs him of his own creativity, backing it up against a wall an removing any kind of interest it had by killing the mystery to it.
Dave: Is that what it's really about? Are you in fact threatened by the creative ideas of Kirkbride?
Madman97: BULLSHEVIC!!! (Which in Russian means "Majority") That's ludicrous! I'm the most original guy around. I have a series about ranting and sh*t. No other person had this before me.
Dave: Heh. Madman, madman, madman. Have you ever actually read Kirkbride's work?
Madman97: Course I have. I've read C0DA, and that's all I really need to read.
Dave: (Sigh) I'll make this plain and simple. How do you know you won't like it if you havn't read it? Don't go off everyone elses opinions, go make one for yourself.
Madman97:.....Ok. (Reads Kirkbride's work real quick) Yeah, I f*cking hate it with every fiber of my being.
Dave: F*ck you.
Madman97: Does this line really belong in an Elder Scrolls story, "You were made to say F*ck it." "F*ck it?" Really? The games never had the word "F*ck" in it.
Dave: He's making the story more relatable by having language from our time.
Madman97: He's making the story more stupid. It's a black mark on good writing. The cursing is unnecessary and whats worse is that you people don't even know you're being insulted! IT'S NOT NEEDED. It doesn't serve as a clarifying source.
Dave: I don't know how else I'm going to be able to convince you-
Madman97: Yes you do. Go on. Join me and we can complete your training! We can rule the blogging world as Rant god and lesser rant god.
Dave: I'LL NEVER JOIN YOU!
Madman97: If you will not be turned, then you will meet your DESTINY! Prepare to be destroyed...with RANTS. (HUGE SNIFF)
Kirkbride sucks. Your blog sucks. It's super gay. You don't have the hype I have. I'm better in every way. Hey that rhymes! Take notes Dave, we are going to have a song!
Dave: Just kill me.
Madman97: OOOOOOOOOOOOH, I come up to this guy named Kirkbride and he is full of sh*t,
His lore is gay, to my dismay, and he is a massive git,
I think that even that guy who wrote Alduin is Real could do a better job,
at writing lore and making stories and not be a massive nob!
If I measured how much sense he made with C0DA on a measuring stick,
the results would probably be about as large as his d*ck, (Insert Oh Snap here)
The undeniable truth to it all is one I hoped Dave would see,
that under it all, despite his support, Kirkbride wishes he was MEEEEEEEEEE!!!
And scene. Did you take notes?
Dave: OK THAT'S IT! THE GLOVES ARE OFF NOW PAL!
Madman97: I don't own gloves.
Dave: You're an idiot Madman. A huge idiot. You may be the most famous blogger on this wikia, but you are also the stupidest when it comes to lore!
Madman97: Thank you!
Dave: ALL YOU EVER DO IS BASH KIRKBRIDE FOR TRYING TO BRING SOMETHING GREAT TO THE ELDER SCROLLS, FOR NO REASON! YOU'RE AN IGNORANT (Expletive that starts with a C)! YOU DENY EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF EVIDENCE SHOWN TO YOU! YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS OF THE FACT THAT MY BLOG GOT A HUNDRED COMMENTS TEN TIMES FASTER BEFORE YOURS EVER DID! BUT YOU YOURSELF HAVE ADMITTED THAT YOU LIKE KIRKBRIDE'S WORK! AND IF YOU THINK YOU GRIND MY F*CKING WABBAJACK'S, YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY DOES!?!?!?!
Madman97:...Was the song too short?
Dave: You know what really grinds my Wabbajack's?
Madman97:...My goodness, he's gone bonkers.
Dave: No, I have not...maybe a little, but that's what people get when they hang around you. No, despite my support for him, I never really liked him.
Madman97: Not sure where you're getting at Dave.
Dave: You were always right about one thing. Kirkbride is an egotistical @$$hole. He tries to insert himself in an already established medium in an attempt to make it his. I think there is too much evidence to ignore this fact, but I never really liked Kirkbride for that.
Madman97:....Well now I feel obligated to say something. You know what really grinds my Wabbajack's? I want Kirkbride to be right. In all honesty, I love his work, and I am an avid reader myself, reading more than Dave does. I just think there is too little evidence within the game, which I think is the established storyline and any and all lore given should be in the game to further it into better waters, to accept it fully, but it is my sincere hope that Kirkbride's theories do turn out to be right. I get a lot of flak for bashing him constantly, but it is just to see if his theories really do hold up and see if I should consider another. I consider myself nuetral to all theories, and even though I argue frequently about Kirkbride, I don't actually support the other side either. I negate Kirkbride's work simply because it is weird and outlandish to an unnecessary degree, but I still like it. I like it's over the top-ness. But I don't think I am ready to accept those things just yet. The only thing I do not hope is true is the C0DA philosophy of everyone's canon being canon. The idea is stale and rather grinding. And that's about all I have to say about it. Some may disagree. Some may agree. But when it comes down to it, I don't think its whether you accept the idea of having everything canon or not, I think it's more along the lines of accepting Kirkbride or not. It's a never ending debate that will likely go on despite each side thinking they're right. Kirkbride supporters argue that there is only a debate because Kirkbride allows it, and there are people like me who thinks Kirkbride can just jog on. That's the beauty of opinions. Everyone is entitled to mine.
Dave: It seems we are destined to be on different sides on this Madman97.
Madman97: It's alright Dave. I was always better than you to begin with.
Dave: Yet I am the one who has graduated college already and has a house and a job.
Madman97: Decent futures. So last year. And speaking of the future...Thank you all for being so patient in waiting for me to wrap this up. Dave, as always, thank you for coming. I'm glad I finally got you out of your ranting shell, and I have one last announcement to make.
I love having my Wabbajacks grinded into Oblivion (Pun intended), but it seems they are all grinded away until I replace them with fresh new ideas to rant about for season 4, which will pick up around the time ESO comes around and I can rant about all the things I hate in that game. But until then, I am temporarily closing the Wabbajack's Grinding series until further notice. Don't worry, Dave will still release Blog Critic Episodes, I will make regular cameos, and I will occasionally visit the chat room to see how everyone is doing. I certainly wouldn't end it on such a blatant note. But I think its time for a good rest for my fingers. They've ranted for a while now. Thank you all for your continued support and I wish you all a very great day.
As always, for the temporarily last time, Stay Mad and Stay Ranty,