FANDOM


There are a few NPCs in Skyrim who, in my opinion, need killin'. With some, it's their snotty attitudes and nasty remarks as you walk by. Others are just creepy. They might be easier to bear, I suppose, if they just went about their business afterward, but no. They say the same things over and over. It's like they're robots or something, and not real people at all.

On my Better Off Dead list:

Taarie and Endarie. This condescending pair of fashionistas treats passers-by to criticism that is completely uncalled-for. "If you're going to the Blue Palace, I'd rethink your clothes." Yeah? Well, rethink this, bee-otches!!1!"

Nazeem. This smugly superior jerk in Whiterun asks you if you visit the Cloud District, and then says "What am I saying? Of course you don't." He says this every time I pass by. Every. Freakin'. Time. I like his wife's opinion of him, though. Too bad she's not a marriage prospect.

Ancano. "I have many things on my mind; your concerns are not among them." Yeah, I know. He's not long for this world anyway. But this dismissive, arrogant little twit should be a special NPC, one that can be revived and killed again and again. And again. After that, the player should be able to trade his ashes for a dog. And then shoot the dog.

Iona. So, she's a housecarl/follower, right? Her dialogue is identical to that of Lydia's. So why can't Iona sound as earnest and respectful? Her lines are all delivered a bit too stridently, as if she's forcing herself to say them. Plus, there's that stink-eye she gives me every time she's talking to me. I can tell that if I married her, she wouldn't even bother to fake "Lover's Comfort."

Belethor. No, it's not the leering, oily undertone of his "Doooo come back" as you leave his shop; that's creepy all by itself, particularly since he says it regardless of the sex of the player. No. It's his "EVERYthing's for sale!" Too loud. Not enough reason to kill him? Well, maybe not for you.

Boethiah. Evil is fine. I got no problem with evil. Kill all of Boethiah's followers? No prob. Kill my own follower? Easy peasy. So that's not it. What gets me is that this Daedric Prince takes my cooperation way too much for granted. You know what, babe? Back in Morrowind, I killed Vivec; think about that next time you get lippy.

Aerin. Okay, so he's got a major thing for Mjoll. I get that. And I know why he follows her around, even after she's married to someone else. Some time in the past, Mjoll felt sorry for him and threw a little mercy McLovin at him. Now he shadows her every move like a restraining order looking for a spot marked X. This guy just creeps me out.

Those are all the Better Off Dead I can think of right now, but you can rest assured I'll have more to add, and soon. I'm moody that way.