So many people post about this, and I'll join the club :-)

  1. Heimskr

    Don't irk him

    NEVER, under ANY circumstances, kill a chicken. You will be followed by a farmer who someone owns a knife for the rest of your life.
  2. NEVER ask the guards about thier life, unless you want to hear some drawn out tale of getting shot in the knee. You will get irked by thier warnings and will kill them, and strangely enough there is a bounty for ridding the world of an incompetent unneeded guard.
  3. Don't diss Talos, or Heimskir will eat your brains with a silver spoon
  4. Don't shout in the cities, indoor voices only, please.
  5. Don't kill Ulfric Stormcloak, or his naked body will stay in the Hall of Kings, just to remind you what you did
    Unusual ulfric

    Avoid this

    and to mold up the carpet
  6. Don't play tag with kids. They are stupid.
  7. Don't give important things to your spouse, or they will sell them for sweetrolls. Also, don't expect your fair share of earnings from your spouse.
  8. ALWAYS use the Wabbajack. Especially on enemies. Gold, anyone?
  9. If you even touch a ledger, the guards will be on you as fast as if you stole thier ale and thier sweetrolls.
  10. Kill Thalmor. Kill useless NPCs before they give you quests. Kill farmers. Kill Emperors. But whatever you do, do not kill the livestock.
  11. Leave Lydia at home
  12. Do not marry Benor. He will die on you, and you only get 600 gold in inheritance
  13. Skyrim no face glitch

    Avoid faceless people. They are probably immigrant zombies

    'Sweetroll' sounds like 'Sweet Troll'
  14. All Argonian and Kajhit kids are deported because they are so darn ugly.
  15. Weddings are not well attended

Feel free to comment on more!