One year ago, Bethesda descended from the heavens and handed us The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. Once, long ago, I wrote a blog detailing what I learned from playing Skyrim. Since then, we've been able to explore its icy depths and snow-capped mountains to no end. It has taught me many things, and now, I'd like to share some of the life lessons I've learned in the magical wintry world of Skyrim.

The mountains of Skyrim

Life Lessons

  • Travelling in groups of three or more is considered taboo.
  • Apparantly, so is marrying a Bosmer.
  • Followers have a strict moral code that prohibits mining.
  • The ancient Nords would see the future, and thus gave their dead modern currency before it was actually invented.
  • Falmer are blind, have no sense of feel, yet they are excellent marksmen.
  • Most Falmer only have one ear each.
  • Fighting to the death is widely considered to be nothing more than a "little game".
  • Murdering people, spiking drinks, and stealing rings are all crimes that net a life sentence.
  • Killing chickens is a crime punishable by death.
  • Standing in a fire pit is actually quite nice, and doesn't burn you at all.
  • Dogs have to bark every five seconds, lest you forget that they are in fact dogs.
  • It's proper etiquette to complain about your problems and explain your life strangers upon meeting them.
  • Horses are competent warriors who will pulverise anything that looks at you funny.
  • Horse hooves are great for mountain climbing.
  • Horses will also snitch on you.
  • Farmers will gladly buy back whatever crops you steal from them.
  • A skilled archer can manipulate time.
  • Looting random corpses on the street is not looked down upon; it is common practice.
  • Giants know how to fly.
  • Couriers can travel at the speed of light.
  • It is perfectly acceptable to run around town naked with a sword in one hand and fire in the other.
  • Shopkeepers, like city guards, can telepathically determine which of your mundane items are actually stolen.
  • Everyone in Skyrim buys their underwear from the same store.
  • If you don't know what a plant is or does, eat it!
  • Butterflies are immortal.
  • Guards can teleport to the scene of any crime as soon as it happens.
  • Picking someone else's flowers can be the end of your life.
  • Beggars are actually magical priests that will bless you for one gold coin.
  • Only famous heroes of the people can purchase real estate. Being the fabled Dragonborn of legend doesn't count.
  • No one seems to realise that the Harbinger of the Companions, Archmage of Winterhold, Listener for the Dark Brotherhood, and leader of the Thieve's Guild are all the same person.
  • Food should only be eaten when someone is trying to murder you.
  • The only way to get a hair cut is by visiting a face sculptor.
  • Joining an army is a pretty casual affair with no real responsibilities.
  • If you want a woman to love you, run an errand for her.
  • No one ever questions why there's a barrel on their head.
Are you still playing Skyrim?

The poll was created at 23:03 on November 11, 2012, and so far 199 people voted.